Funerals
Sorry I haven't been on in a while guys. I haven't had much time at all lately. Anyway, I need some advice.
Last month I went to a funeral and it basically had nothing to do with the person that died and everything to do with "saving" souls. It really pissed me off. The preacher even did an invitation for people to be saved at the alter.
So a couple of days ago a friend of mine that I have known all of my life passed away. His family is pretty religious, although he was not. His parents have told me about the arrangements and they said that, before the burial, they want to have his services at the church that they attend. I do love and respect this family. I know them all and I would feel bad if I didn't go. However, I do not want to sit through another service about cheesus and "getting right" with the invisible dude.
His 3 sisters know that I am atheist. His parents may or may not. I didn't bring it up to them when I was at their house yesterday, but I noticed that they seemed a little pushy about getting me to attend church with them. They've never done that to me before. Would it be disrespectful if I just sat outside the church and when they were finished I could just follow them to the cemetary?
How would you deal with this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on -
I wouldn't go at all, actually - but then again, I have disgraceful social skills.
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Permalink Reply by scLovely on -
I love the way you word things :) I really wanna go to the burial. They are have a military ceremony for him and I don't want to miss it. I care for him much more than I care to be stubborn. It will still drive me nuts if there is any preaching going on. A few religious undertones I can overlook, but a straight up church service is just not something I can shrug off.
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on
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Yeah, well I guess hooking up with them for the burial might just be the best bet then. I've seen a few discussions here on exactly this topic over the last month or so. I'm surprised that funerals have been so given over to proselytizing. I haven't been to one in 36 years.
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Permalink Reply by scLovely on
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wow 36 yrs. I wish I could be that way. I feel the need to go though. I have been lucky and haven't had to go to one in quite some time, but this is two back to back. I had never seen anything so religious as the last one. It was terrible. I just hope that if I do decide to go in, it won't be as bad as the last one.
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on
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For most of my family I have either not been informed of the death or just plain been unable to attend. For friends, I have always preferred private reflection and a glass of whiskey and tap water. The only funeral I ever attended was that of one of my great-grandfathers. That was when I started thinking something was wrong with god, because people all said Grandpa Earl was in a better place but they kept crying really hard.
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Permalink Reply by Jason Ward on -
If your friend was not religious I would question the justification for the service and maybe ask, "who's funeral is this anyway?" I expect folks to ridicule me just as much if not more when I die and make it something humorous, play some Pearl Jam and SOAD drink heavily maybe punch a relative in the eye (Irish) and make it an enjoyable day, no preaching. Would be great if John Cleese could make it.
Sorry for your loss.
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Permalink Reply by scLovely on
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Thank you.
He was a christian when we were growing up but he married a buddhist. She opened his eyes to a lot of things. Though they were no longer together, he still had an open mind. He told me not too long ago that he doesn't know what he believes anymore. So, I would love to ask them that question, but at this time I can't. They may not even know his thoughts on religion. I can't imagine what they are going through losing their son, so if it makes them feel better to have it at a church, by all means - have it there. But a sermon isn't called for. There is no reason that someone should be begging for alter repentance when they are supposed to be honoring someone's life and helping friends and family cope. I'm torn :(
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Permalink Reply by Jason Ward on
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Well I guess then I am in agreement with the socially disgraceful Heather on this one. Bow out of the service and pay your respects your way. and good luck
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Permalink Reply by Mike Rosier on -
They're the family, and right or wrong, they make the decisions. If my friend were to pass away, I'd set aside my own beliefs and opinions long enough to attend a celebration of his life.
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Permalink Reply by Mike Rosier on
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yeah it's gonna suck, but which would be worse - going, or not going?
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