"After experiencing years of sexual violence I just want to heal from it all " - Can you tell me about the violence? I only brought it up because you did, if it's too personal, you have every right to not answer.
Hey, Belle, it's really impressive that you're looking into alternative sexual expressions and lifestyles. I know how you feel about being vulnerable about this and it shows you have a lot of trust and strength to talk about it anyway!
I had the same period of sexual exploration in college, after being conditioned to only desire sexual monogamy in the context of marriage. I was emotionally abused in a sexual way...but it wasn't physical. So, from my expereince, I know that it can be a challenge to figure out what is your own organic desire and what is a reaction to your history. I think it's great to learn about "fringe" sexual lifestyles, other sexual orientations, and sexual kinks because it helps you realize how much more there is to human sexuality than our past experiences taught us and than our culture wants us to experience. It can be easy to get ahead of yourself though, like a kid in a candy store. I swear, there are things you cannot unsee...lol! I would recommend checking out some sex positive feminist blogs/websites, just because a lot of the porn I've seen seemed to amplify the power and abuse dynamics I was used to.
As for the swinger lifestyle...I'm not sure if I would like that in a serious relationship. I think it could be thrilling. I'm not that good at sharing though. I imagine I would be willing to try an open relationship (without the group sex parties) as long as there were clear expectations. I wouldn't want to have sex with my partner until they'd been tested for STDs though...I am so paranoid about STDs.
I think jealousy is natural when your partner is with someone else. Maybe the jealousy is part of what makes the sex better?
Hey Belle, check your messages, my friend. :-)
It's definitely worth discussing! I think you'll figure out what's right for you with some reflection and experimentation. It's not like it's a set thing either, you're interests and preferences can change as you change.
" I think it's great to learn about "fringe" sexual lifestyles, other sexual orientations, and sexual kinks because it helps you realize how much more there is to human sexuality than our past experiences taught us and than our culture wants us to experience."
Belle, there really are no great truths to be found in between our legs. It's just tingles and highs and thrills and short term pleasures. There is no long term happiness down the path of materialist pleasure maximization.
Your best bet for long term happiness would be to settle for someone who is not very wealthy/powerful/attractive but has a good heart/character and try to make it work. That would be best for you and your son.
So how many good heart/character atheist 'persons' are there?
Many I suppose. Why?
Or...she could take advantage of her single status to find out what she wants in a partner and in bed.
Coming out of an abusive relationship, I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time to see what you want and need before you get into another long term relationship or, as you would like her to do, "settle."
" I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time to see what you want and need" - In a more sane culture, people would understand what they want and need in their spouses by the time they turn 14. Very few people have really learned anything by being promiscuous. The whole idea of sleeping around to 'figure out who you really are' is ridiculous.
For some people it's the right kind of lifestyle. It's not for me, I like to do it in private without being surrounded by a load of swinging dicks.
I live next door to some swingers. They're very sweet people. The boyfriend of my neighbour though is an abusive bully towards me, he's jealous as hell, for some reason, and I'm going to have to move out as he bothers me all the time for no reason.
In my experience, people who are into swinging have had a difficult home life. Their parents broke up in horrible circumstances, and it's left them with some kind of intimacy-void which can only be filled with a lot of sex.
I know that some people prefer group sex with a circle of trusted friends rather than random strangers at a public party. My neighbour seems to prefer a mix of trusted friends and new strangers. Guess what is the subject of the getting-to-know-you conversation? Me, every time. It doesn't bother me. It's kind of amusing. I must be a very easy-going person.
I think the world of my neighbour and I would do anything for her as she sticks up for me against her boyfriend. Forgive the rambling, but hey, it's Christmas morning, and you know, Ballantyne's whisky.