At the moment, I'm looking for a little extra income, so I'm reading job ads. I'm looking for a good job where I'll be a valued employee and where the pay is fair for the work required. I'm realizing there are some common terms signaling jobs that won't meet those requirements.

Here is some of the commonly-used jargon hinting at why the job is to be avoided.

"Fast-paced environment." Translation: Most people who take this job on are overwhelmed by the volume of work and frequently end up putting in unpaid hours to get caught up and so end up quitting or committing suicide. If they don't go postal first, that is. 

"Team player." Translation: You'll be making coffee or picking up dry cleaning for your superiors and/or you'll be asked to leave your ethics at home when you come to work and/or you'll be asked to pick up the slack for incompetent coworkers.

"Detail-oriented." Translation: The job is complicated and you can expect little help from anyone.

"Self starter." Translation: Expect little in the way of direction, though you can still expect criticism if your decisions differ from what theirs would be.

"Flexible." Translation: They need some patsy who's willing to work any shift and on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve/Day, and New Years Eve/Day.

Did I leave any out?

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I would expect that one of those glamour shots photographers would be able to charge a premium for a Real Porn Photographer.

Turn those lemons into lemonade, brother.

The system I described can get someone a fair shot at having a real human interaction from which a job might result. Without the bullshit of an implied contract that is inevitable when ads are placed. What better way of getting a fair wage for work performed than to start it off with a conversation rather than a form?

JC Penney was one that came up in my search for photographers.

I'd get $2000 jobs that netted about $1200 after paying the model and other costs several times a month, but Ohio is the pits for finding open-minded models. Not like the West Coast. The amount per hour was insane, but of course it wasn't a 40 hour week, which was fine for me: plenty of time for creative writing.


I like this idea.

"Work effectively under pressure and maintain a positive attitude " - Hope you have a source for cocaine.*

* A study showed that while cocaine users' private lives were a mess, they were on the whole more effective in business than non-users.

"Driven" - We're looking for someone who obsesses about their work, because you won't be receiving any encouragement from management.

That or "Only people suffering from workaholic OCD can possibly make a go of this job."

Overqualified. "Sorry, you're too smart to work here, as you'll see how we're screwing you over."

Looking at employment ads on Craigslist and I'm realizing that I need to ignore any ad that has an exclamation point in it. There's a 99.9% chance it's a scam or pie-in-the-sky job.


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