I am a woman, and I am an atheist.....and have escaped from the abusive relationships of my past and I now want to give back. This is a topic that is "skidded over" through the horrific consequences of religion, but I haven't seen the topic come up recently on TA as it's own separate entity of discussion. My goal around this conversation is for women to come together who either:
1. Have been in an abusive relationship and escaped,
2. Are currently IN an abusive relationship and don't know what to do and are looking for support,
3. For any men who are allies who want to add their comments/insights to be able to do so.
There are lots of resources in many placed in the US, I don't know about the rest of the world, but I think that even still there is a lot of discrepancy and confusion about what domestic violence IS and there's a lot of people who are in abusive relationships that don't think that they are abusive, they just see them as normal. Also there's a lot of misconceptions and myths portrayed by media. I hope together we can blow a hole through all of that and get down to some real truth on the matter, as well as support anyone who may be going through it, to give them a safe place to fall....
I have a friend who changed his surname so it wasn't the same as his father's. I don't know the full story and I don't like to ask. If they were to pick on people their own size, out in public, they wouldn't last very long. But they terrorise women and children behind closed doors, so it's very far from a fair contest.
On a more heartening note, the same person rescued his sister from someone like that. (yes, he's good at fighting, no, he's not scared of anyone, yes, he is always very kind to women.)
I know someone who married absolutely the wrong guy, whom she met in college. The instant the knot was tied, the emotional abuse and controlling behavior began, and he did his best to cut her off from her family. And it only got worse once she had children; that was another hold he had over her.
It was only when she got raped and he blamed her that she got the hell out. Her (now ex-) husband is a complete waste of space and oxygen and I would probably dance a jig if I heard he had died a gruesome death.
Apparently there is a subculture where men train their sons on how to do this. I don't believe it's entirely learned by the young shitstain male because he has to learn what to do before the children are born, and he himself cannot have seen what his father did then.
"If he hits me a first time, there won't be a second time."
That's what one of my mom's relatives said when I was about ten, seventy+ years ago. It made an impression.