Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on March 21, 2012 at 10:03am

I would like to also point out that I had a cousin (like a sister to me) kill herself back in 91.  I am very certain I know why she did it but her immediate family can't even accept that she committed suicide - mostly because of the roll they played.  This is a big part of the reason I'm very course in dealing with the feelings of those left behind.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on March 21, 2012 at 10:10am

Of course, the difference between the end of a relationship and suicide is the finality of suicide and the impossibility of ever resolving the situation.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on March 21, 2012 at 10:23am

Or the finality of the relationship and the impossibility of ever resolving the situation?

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on March 21, 2012 at 8:24pm

One can have hope in the case of the relationship, not so if the other person is gone completely.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on March 21, 2012 at 9:49pm

The survivors could always take up religion - oh, that is very likely to have caused the suicide in the first place - my bad.

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Permalink Reply by kOrsan on March 21, 2012 at 8:04pm

Great answer.

We definitely need to stop acting as if suicide was a community thing. It's an individual act. When a person decides to end his live, it's not for others to decide for him whether or not he has to leave with an explanation. And if I may note, it's known that the majority of people who commit suicide do leave a letter, most of the time explaining their reasons and showing more worries about the emotions of their friends & family rather than talking about themselves. They feel more sorry for how it will affect them, rather than them.

Even if they did not, even if a person would want to die (but could not do so without help) without explaining themselves, what are we going to do? Tell him "No, not until you tell us what pissed you off." ?

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Permalink Reply by Tom Sarbeck on March 22, 2012 at 5:54am

Unseen, I'm throwing your wrench back.

The effect on those left behind depends on whether they and the recently-departed had talked of their concerns. The guilt that xianity imposes on people who act in their own self-interest discourages such talk. The guilt that various cultures impose on people who violate norms (i.e., the guilt that silenced my German forebears when talking interfered with their work) also discourages such talk. People can be more mature than you assume.

As to selfish acts, nothing is more selfish than having children. No child gives consent.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on March 22, 2012 at 12:34pm

Well presumably in many cases the survivors are blindsided by the suicide. That was the case in several of the suicides I personally know of. When you say "People can be more mature than you assume," (a) I'm not assuming anything about maturity and (b) the operative word is "can."

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