Someone at Democratic Underground in the skeptics forum posted a quiz that children are encouraged to give to teachers to make them realize that evolution is wrong.  I'm posting it here because I thought it might be mildly amusing.

"1. Which evolved first, male or female?"

The first organisms were (and are) too simple to have sexual differentiation. Once life
became complex enough for that, males and females occurred at the same
time. Obviously. Species evolve, not individuals.

"2. How many millions of years elapsed between the first male and first female?"

zero

"3. List at least 9 of the false assumptions made with radioactive dating
methods."

You list them and allow actual scientists who are not merely guessing to explain why you are wrong. This is like saying you
have a new knock-knock joke and asking the other person to start.
Scientists who use radioactive dating are aware of the limits of the
various testing methods and adjust their reading of the evidence
accordingly.

"4. Why hasn't any extinct creature re-evolved after millions of years?"

Extinct creatures do not evolve because they have stopped fucking.

"5. Which came first:
...the eye,
...the eyelid,
...the eyebrow,
...the eye sockets,
...the eye muscles,
...the eye lashes,
...the tear ducts,
...the brain's interpretation of light?"

In which animal? Evolution is not a step-by-step process. Changes are continuous and there is no planned
end result. So it's eye and neurological perception of light first, all
that other stuff came later since the first "eyes" were nothing more
than a photosensitive spot on the surface of a unicellular critter.

"6. How many millions of years between each in question 5?"

Being educated in the humanities, I don't know the answer except to say that
complex eyes on complex animals did not happen until some half a billion
years ago.

"7. If we all evolved from a common ancestor, why can't all the different species mate with one another and produce
fertile offspring?"

Common ancestor? You want to screw your cousin don't you! Put a fish and a mosquito together and play Barry
White music and see what happens.

"8. List any of the millions of creatures in just five stages of its evolution showing the progression
of a new organ of any kind. When you have done this, you can collect the
millions of dollars in rewards offered for proof of evolution!"

Really? Who is offering that reward? Because the reality of evolution has
been conclusively established already. Actually, it can be demonstrated
in one step. A human embryo starts off with gills and then loses them
and develops lungs. These evolutionary steps are well established by
actual biologists who know WTF they are talking about.

"9. Why is it that the very things that would prove Evolution (transitional forms)
are still missing?"

They aren't. If they were, it would only prove that we are not very good at finding fossils. The present state
of life proves evolution. In fact evolution has held up as the only
possible explanation no matter what angle one approaches it. Whether it
is geological, genetic, dispersion of similar forms over geography, the
specific anatomy of life forms, behavior of animals or what, evolution
is always verified as the only possible answer. As it is, there are
enough transitional life forms, living and fossilized to prove the case
many times over.

"10. Explain why something as complex as human life could happen by chance, but something as simple as a coin must have
a creator. (Show your math solution.)"

Human life did not happen by chance. It was the result of a determinative, but unintelligent
process where random changes that are not helpful to survival are
killed. We see the successes of evolution living in the world. We do
not see the mountains of failures. For a coin, the pictures and writing
tend to give away its human origins.  Unless you think there is a natural process that produces the words "United States."  2+2=4.

"11. Why aren't any fossils or coal or oil being formed today?"

They are.

"12. List 50 vestigial or useless organs or appendages in the human body."

Why? Anyway, many of them can be found in a developing embryo. There's
also the sinus drainage holes that are situated for a horizontal animal.
There's the up-hill digestive tract. There's our undersized lumbar
region designed for a four-footed critter. There's our backward-wired
eyes. There's the tendency to suddenly awake if we dream about falling
(so we don't fall out of the tree.) In other animals, there are the
vestigial back legs of a whale as one clear example. On creationists, I
point to eyes, ears and higher brain functions as useless.

"13. Why hasn't anyone collected the millions of dollars in rewards for proof
of evolution?"

Establish that there are millions of dollars of rewards for proving evolution. If real, I suspect they are offered by
religious groups who will never allow themselves to admit that their
iron age mythology is false.

"14. If life began hundreds of millions of years ago, why is the earth still under populated?"

It's not.  If you mean why are inhospitable places uninhabited, then I ask why the gods have not created plants or animals that can thrive in those places.  In reality, some places in the world and probably the universe are just more suitable for the series of chemical reactions we call life than others.

"15. Why hasn't evolution duplicated all species on all continents?"

Why would it? The question indicates a profound failure to understand how evolution works. If that happened it might
lend some credence to divine direction. Since changes are random and
there is no overall plan for how critters are supposed to turn out.
Also, conditions that direct natural selection are different all over
the world and favor different adaptations. Why are there no penguins in
SE Asian jungles? They are adapted for a different environment.

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Great job. The profound stupidity of these questions was enough to make my brain implode, but your excellent answers continually pulled me back from the brink of annihilation.

Isn't it great how christians are constantly using children to spread their message? Well, little Johnny, now that you have been thoroughly indoctrinated into my belief system, you can be a soldier in the army of christ. You can start by giving these pamphlets to each of your teachers. No, I don't care if you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by it. Remember, if you are embarrassed by Jesus, he will be embarrassed of you on the day of judgment. What's a little embarrassment compared to an eternity of horrible unrelenting pain and torture?

Isn't there a term for people like that? Oh, that's right, fucking assholes.

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