It's been a while since I started a post, but I thought I would share. Since this is, in my opinion, the best atheist site to be on.
I have been open previously about having a religious spouse. Being a very private individual that took a lot of effort and thought on my part. I have been atheist all of my memorable life. Sure of my alone sane position until just a couple of years ago. That's when I first did a web search to try to figure out why the whole world believed but me. I wanted to know why I was the only one who thought like I do. I have wondered many, many times what was wrong with me
I have to confess though, that I have always tried to sway my spouse over to my side with a constant barrage, so to speak, of "why?", and "why not just because?". I guess that's my devout atheism kicking in, or perhaps at first it was more of a feeling of no wanting to be or feel so alone..
I have recently discovered that, after a lengthy silence between my children in Scotland (that's another long story), my lifelong goal of "religion" dying in my bloodline at me (not sure if I put that right), is actually a reality. It has come to light that none of my kids accept anything without evidence, and are atheist.
I told my oldest daughter, when she was very little, that I did not believe that there was a heaven, hell, good or evil. Only that there were positive and negative forces in the universe, and it was up to us to make the changes and form a better world. For everyone. She's 24 now. Strong young woman.
With that said and my total elation revealed, I wish to titillate a little more and state that my wife is now seeing things from my side of the fence and agreeing with my position. She has stated tonight that she wouldn't ever be able to reveal to her mother that she agrees with me because that would kill her. She is absolute devout and unchangeable.
I assured my wife that I would say nothing, and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I assured her that she could only start to feel better about herself., and have a different type of feelings towards her family. It is OK though. Keep it quiet as long as she needed. Even eternally.
I kind of feel like I am in a state of completeness, looking forward to a bright and beautiful future with my wife, in the absence of prayer and silliness. Absence of pessimism and self loathing. Absence of false hopes and dismissal of coincidence. No more thinking that some god saved a puppy or little kitten during a storm when nations are starving. No more blowing a tire and jesus guiding the car safely to the side of the road while children are dying from cancer.
Not trying to get any pats on the back here. Just really saying that with constant, unrelenting affirmation and positivity of your whole-hearted position, anyone can be truly saved.
I'm sure she would be freaking out right now if she were to see this, but in good time she will. She will be able to look upon this post as a poignant moment in my life, and embrace it for what it is. A celebration.
She is nowhere near the point of absolute admission because she swears that she was the one who accepted Jesus as her lord and savior. Not indoctrinated. She just didn't know any better.
She wants to now listen to some informative podcasts. I have recently discovered some where one spouse converted after another because they wanted to educate themselves on the others position. After exposure the believing spouse was convinced also of the unbelievability of the bible. And of religion as a whole.
Now I'm not trying to promote any podcasts neither.
I'm kinda not sure where I should be stopping this, so I guess I should just kind of leave it here.....I'm so overjoyed that I could go on forever with this kind of feeling. You got to love the human feeling of emotion. Oh the strength of my heart. Pounding. Pounding.
To my fellow atheists.....
As always, comments or suggestions are very welcome. Speak your mind please.
She's not quite around the corner yet so to speak but she has now realised that the things I hold up as true and face value, are just simply reality.
Thanks for sharing your joy for me.
Thank you for your reply.
There are moments of religion-induced strain in my own relationship with my spouse. I doubt she will ever become a freethinker but I can live with that reality. Too many other things matter more in life anyway.
Try subtly taking an interest in educational documentaries and asking her to watch them with you as part of movie night or something. Occasionally she'll take offense with something, and you can say, well, let's look it up and check the sources. Subtlety is the key.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Although I never gave up on the subtle chase. My wife told me I could never make her turn her back on her lord and saviour. I honestly never really tried too hard because of her devotion. Yes there are too many other things that matter.
Thank you for your reply sir.
*cue the applause* WooHoo! Congratulations!
I find your rigor noble.
Don't let your connections to her make light of her past, though. I may be wrong, but when you said:
"She is nowhere near the point of absolute admission because she swears that she was the one who accepted Jesus as her lord and savior. Not indoctrinated. She just didn't know any better."
I thought to myself... don't let your desire for your wife to have a free and open mind allow you to close your own mind to the recurring power of indoctrination. You don't want to think your wife has made progress, and then one day she talks to her preacher about it and goes on a 'jesus-freak-occurrence'. Still, If you don't get offended or discouraged, or can anticipate such things, then it doesn't really matter.
Although, to clarify, is the part about not indoctrinated a continuation of HER position (rationalizing), or your synopsis of her position? I just thought about that, so my first statements may be wrong.
That's my feeling more than my synopsis I guess. We've discussed that since I posted the topic. She has no idea about this thread right now. Mostly because I don't want to put any pressure on her to eventually come out and say it, you know. It's taken me since December 18th 2000 to get to where I am now, so I'm not in no rush. I just know I have saved her because she agrees with me now on many more levels.
It's really hard to explain myself I guess. I've never experienced this type of inner joy.
Thanks for your input sir.
I'm old. I'm now in my 13th year of my third--and last--marriage.
My first two wives were both believers. It was always an unspoken, underlying discord between us that kept us from really being what some call 'soul mates'. I couldn't delve deep enough into my mate's heart and mind with all that strangeness as a firewall of sorts. It forced me to keep a distance, because I didn't want to hurt them by being totally honest in my thoughts, and conversely, they chose to remain guarded against me so they wouldn't have to defend their beliefs. We couldn't talk about anything deeper than the weather and movies. It was depressing.
We never felt comfortable enough to question each other's inner-most thoughts about life--we knew we saw the big questions differently, so there wasn't much motive or desire to explore each other any further.
The love I am in now is with an atheist like myself, and it is so liberating. She is awesome!
I think that when it comes to relationships--especially marriage--different colors don't matter, different genders don't matter, different cultures don't matter; but you really should either both believe or not. At some point down the line, a different 'belief' will bite-cha in the butt!
It has continually chomped away at my a$$. But being as strongly atheist as I am, I know she is worth every fight it takes. She loves me for who I am.
Thank You for your valued input sir.