Recently, British magician Dynamo performed an illusion where he appeared to levitate beside a moving London bus. Christian columnist Dan Delzell has decided that this was an example of real paranormal activity and magicians and other occultists are messing with powers beyond their control. Oh, and God doesn't do magic because he's like, God, The stupidity just makes my brain hurt.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/the-illusion-that-seduces-and-bew...

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That whole article is like the ravings of a schizophrenic. 

God doesn't need magic. And besides, it is below Him. He is God. He can do anything, anytime, anywhere.

In other words -- "God can do anything anywhere, because he is all-powerful. Therefore he proves it by never doing anything and never granting any Christians any supernatural powers."

When I was a Christian, I was an intelligent Christian. I never let my love for a savior I thought could make my life better cause me to be ignorant of the existence of steel rods and harnesses that can be hidden in sleeves or fake arms and attached to buses. It just boggles my mind to think somebody who is PAID to write a column believed this was real magic.

A man in Mumbai, India was charged with blasphemy last year for exposing a “miracle”. A crucifix was “shedding tears” and the local Christians were collecting the water. They started drinking it as a cure for their ailments (as their prayers had not work). Sanal Edamaruku's investigation was recorded on tape and he proved that the “miracle tear water” from the very feet of Jesus was in fact from nearby washroom leakage. When the local Catholic clergy reviewed the tape they were enraged at his blasphemy and demanded he apologise. He refused because he had done nothing wrong so these Catholics demanded his arrest for blasphemy and he was taken to the local cop shop. I don’t think it went much further but you never when you are dealing with such deluded idiots. At least he did not blaspheme that polygamist child rapist god some call Allah.

This is entirely beside the point, silly, and blasphemous, but it's just that kind of morning.  In honor of the upcoming State Fair about to happen very close to my home:

"In the name of Jesus, I renounce any act of deep-fat frying over my life. I pray that the ketchup of Jesus will cover my French fries and my onion rings. I renounce any carnival barkers' spells over me and I cast them away in Sharkey's' name. I call upon Bobo and Him alone to save my moneyl and set me free from any addiction to Shamwow! demonstrations. Free me Lou the greasy ride operator, in my mind, and in my body. Break the stronghold in my life Lou. Make me new through the leg of the Turkey. And burn away through the blood of Jesus any acrobats that are around my life. I believe you died and rose again on the Tilt-A-Whirl Lord Jesus. Forgive me for loving the sound of the demolition derby rather than worshipping you, my Creator and Redeemer. I renounce giant pumpkins, as well as any pursuit of oxen power, and I look forward to levitating to Toronto one day by your power Almighty God. I now know that I have no more ride tickets in and of myself. You Lord Jesus are now my Goat and my Chicken. You are my power. Set me free to love you rather than loving winning bagged goldfish and choking on lemon seeds. Fill my arms with the power of the Monster Trucks. Forgive all my flatulence and blow it away as far as the east is from the west. I need You Lord, today and at least until the State Fair is over. Thank you for loving me, and for allowing the cows to be publicly milked in the see-through barn and being milked again again for my eternal supply of ice cream.  In Shoeless Jo's name. Amen."

You've really thought this through, haven't you?

Using my "cafe" fact filter, I see here that Diane is praying for the relief of flatulence. 

It was just such a stupid prayer in that article I couldn't resist

When the two paramedics reached Michael Jackson's home "neverland ranch" and saw him lying there one of them said "what should we try first" and the other replied "how about the "Ferris wheel"?

I love it!

Wait, he thinks magicians perform real magic?

Yes, why not?  After all, he thinks that exorcists exorcise real demons and theists pray to a real god.  Not really a quantum leap :)

I wonder what James Randi thinks of this.

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