I mainly agree with you except you assertion that there is a fundamental difference between raising your own flesh and blood or raising a child who is not. There must be plenty of fathers who are raising children who are not their own due to the mothers infidelity and yet have no clue the child is not their own as there is no difference or lack of that priceless feeling you talked about. If there really was a difference between raising a child who is yours or not, then we would not need paternity tests in these cases.
Lets say tomorrow you have a paternity test on your child and it comes out it is not yours. Would that really make any difference to how you used to feel about him or still do? Would that priceless feeling of raising him no longer exist?
I got a whole other rant for the SOB's who don't step up to fatherhood, but that's not this thread.
Rocky if you don't think mothers see their own flesh and blood children differently then other children, then you haven't been to a PTA meeting yet.
As for my own kids, they're all adults in their 30's now, so it's a mute point.
But if you are asking me if I would raise a kid who wasn't mine the answer is:
If I knew about in the first trimester I would demand an abortion or divorce.
If I found out before the birth but too late for an abortion I would demand a divorce.
If I found out after I had bonded with the child I would stay married and raise the child, the Mom WOULD get her tubes tied.
In any case the guy who impregnated her would need to leave town and change his name.
If a mother accidentally has her child swapped with another at birth , can she somehow tell the child is not hers?(assuming it is not of another race or something similar). Or would the child who is not actually hers be indistinguishable from the one that is?
I pretty much agree with the rest of your post, i just don't think there is something magically different in raising a child who is actually yours over one that is not.
I might be biased here as i have no desire for children, never had, and if i ever do i would rather adopt a child who desperately needs a home than create my own.
To the first part of your post...I don't know and wouldn't venture a guess.
In this discussion all the adult parties would be aware of who the child's birth mother was.
I'm not a woman so I can't speak for them but I have been there during the births of all three of my own (I assume they are mine, no proof required, I trust my wife's word) and in the raising of them. For myself I feel strongly a mother's bond is strongest with the children she gives birth to. That is not to say that she cannot love and raise other children but a woman's own child is indeed somewhat of a very special bond. My 2 cents only.
Wow Gregg, your attitude about "demanding" for an abortion or for a woman to have herself sterilized is revealing about how you view the independence and sovereign dignity of women. You come across as a territorial tyrant that treats women like property. What gives you the right or understanding to be such a dictator?
You need to rethink how and what you are saying and hopefully learn how to treat these serious issues with more sensitivity and basic respect for others feelings and opinions or basically fuck off. I would not want to be your child and especially if I was female. Either you are communicating in an asshole way or you actually are one.
Please clarify because I really don't want to just pigeonhole you if you are just having a hard time expressing yourself but are actually a nice person that truly respects women.
"Either you are communicating in an asshole way or you actually are one.
Please clarify because I really don't want to just pigeonhole you..."
Nate, what is your definition of a asshole? I can't clarify without knowing your definition.
"... is revealing about how you view the independence and sovereign dignity of women."
You are misconstruing my post, Nate do you keep your word? Are you married? Did you promise to be faithful? Do you plan of breaking that promise?
If your wife becomes pregnant with another mans child will you raise it as your own?
"...if you are asking me if I would raise a kid who wasn't mine the answer is:"
is the question I am answering in my post not a question about "the independence and sovereign dignity of women.", but we can have that conversation if you want.
No Gregg, Nate was right, you do sound like an asshole here. I don't think you're actually allowed to FORCE a woman to get her tubes tied, even if she's your wife. You also aren't allowed to force your wife to get an abortion, though I see you generously offered abortion OR divorce as your options there.
And I'm sure your threats of physical violence against your wife's hypothetical lover make you feel big and powerful and manly, but I'm just not impressed.
"...but I'm just not impressed."
Oh NO, my day is ruined. LOL
I shall redouble my efforts to impress you. :D
Wow. Let's march right back to the Dark Ages while we're at it. I mean, who gave women the right to vote or make decisions for themselves anyway?! Clearly we need to put them all back in their places. O_o
Evolution selected for loving one's own genetic relatives, especially kids. Some species even kill other families' kids. But evolution also built into humans a higher capacity for consciousness that can more strongly override "natural", emotional drives. So we now have more of a range and cultural influence and personal preferences. I think my own kids are "the best", but I'm still one of those who would have loved to adopt, if we could have afforded it.
Meanwhile, parents looking to adopt are a lot more open minded about who they want to provide a good life for. Matching genetics are automatically not an issue, in most cases.
Not just humans pope. We had a dog that adopted a young litter of kittens where the mother had been run over. It had never had puppies and yet it started producing milk for them and treated it just like it's own puppies.