So long story short I had to give my boys up for adoption. Their adoptive mother is a relatively sane christian. She and I over two years have been trying to figure out how to get children back into my care. At moment we have settled on blending households. Here is my conundrum how to deal with Hi i'm and atheist and you're a christian. Wrong move could cost me my sons again Yet don't have an overwhelming urge to find my self in church either. She supports freedom or choice and evolution so not a do this or die type. So any suggestions?
Obviously I don't know the answer. I'm just guessing here giving you my best advice I, someone with no experience in these matters, can come up with...
but I'm no expert so you probably shouldn't trust my word. But Um... well I don't know the whole story but I think your situation is actually not that unusual compared to many other people - such as when a married (or divorced) couple has different beliefs & also children, and say dad is an atheist and mom's a Christian now. Or even just you're an atheist and aren't raising your kids into religion but your entire extended family might wish you would and other parents of other kids and stuff. There are other people that deal with these kinds of issues.
I'd say the best thing to do is not bring up religion yourself. Avoid the topic. If the adoptive mother wants to take the kids to church, just let her and don't make a fuss. If one of your kids or the adoptive mother asks you about God/etc., answer with the whole "I happen to believe" answers but don't tell the kids what to believe. Be as vague as you need to to be safe and not risk losing your kids. You shouldn't have to risk losing your kids over the religion issue. Hopefully you can handle that. I think it's the best solution from the limited information I have. I mean, if she's really doing something to harm them - for example making them fear hell, be homophobic jerks, making them afraid to masturbate (or do things they're probably going to do/are already doing), etc, you can try to make it clear to them that you're not worried about those things. You disagree personally. But again don't say she's wrong, if you want to be as safe as possible. Just do the "I personally happen to see things differently, FYI" angle. And hope that's good enough.
It's what been doing .Sometimes it's good to get another view. She is far from hell and damnation type. Lucky for me and the boys.We somehow have thus far avoided religion, Beyond the seasonal greetings and happy easters. Which i do as a respect others right to be wrong. Oddly that came from a Jewish friend of mine. Thanks for advice. :)
"So long story short I had to give my boys up for adoption ... She and I over two years have been trying to figure out how to get children back into my care."
Was it a legal adoption? ... How old are the boys? ... How long has she had them? ... Why does she want to give them up? ,,, Why did you give them up? ... Why do you want them back? ... Are you stable?
This is not good ...
@Angela So you have decided "This is not good" before you even have the answer to your questions? Would you not consider that that was just a little judgmental?
Let the boys decide for themselves. If they enjoyed prayer at the dinner table create some non-denominational prayers of appreciation. Don't tell, don't expect. Let them find their own conclusions and accept them.
What do you want most? Not to go to church or get your boys back? I should think it's an easy choice.
Also, you may want to edit your post. What does "Here is my conundrum how to deal with Hi" mean? Seems like a pretty badly messed up sentence.
saw what you meant. I was really nervous when was writing so attempted to lighten what for me is a painful subject.
Absolutely Strega - Because parental rights are given up after an adoption so I would like to know whats going on with those children.
This post is alarming to me ...
She needs to make her questions clear Thom, especially when it involves children.
Thom - when children have been legally adopted, there is no 'her'. "Her" has given them up. If they have been legally adopted then what she is saying up there doesnt make sense ... Maybe they are in Foster Care - if they are then she needs to say that.
Thom - explain her question to me - what is she really asking?
"Not really, that's her and the adoptive parents business."
Yes really - When it comes to the welfare of children - its everybodies business.
and if something involving children looks dodgy - then I'll poke at it and I'll be ultra judgemental.
Shame on anyone for turning a blind eye.