Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on April 1, 2011 at 2:01am

One more thing...spanking and other forms of physical violence increases the likelihood that the child will later associate "hitting" as just in certain circumstances of difficulty. This association of violence is in my opinion similar to the way that religion is passed down from generation to generation. How so? The parent hits the child, the child learns hitting is acceptable and will later on most likely result in a parent who also hits their child. They do it because "that is what they have been taught" as that is what "their parents did". Just like how most people are the religion of their parents as "that is what they have been taught" from the cradle.

 

Now people make mistakes, it is okay! Just learn from your mistakes and read books on the studies of the effects of spanking and violence and stop this tradition from being like a virus that is continuously passed down from generation to generation!

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on April 1, 2011 at 2:39am

As an Uba Grandmother, and give a lot of information, advice whatever one likes to call it, to my children, on how they handle their children. I know smacking doesn't work - there are much better ways to handle things, plus I never, ever shouted, or got really angry, and when I lowered my voice, that's when kids knew I meant business. but it has to start young. Deprive kids of material things for unacceptable behavior, stop them from going somewhere they really want to go to. Step over them if they are screaming on the floor - ignore them - They have to know you mean business, and the effects last a lot longer than smacking. Plus, I didn't want to hurt myself. LOL - In the long run, especially when kids become teenagers, if you hit them, they are more likely to give you a smack in the mouth. Why wouldn't they. Violence breeds violence. Its the same as religion - why instil fear into ones children, instil respect. I was 'belted' twice as a child, and I will NEVER forget it, as it was totally unwarranted.

 

Agree totally with Heather and Sassan K. 

 

Lessons have to be learnt another way. It's called being civilized. 

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on April 1, 2011 at 7:31am

Hear, hear.

It is almost to a tee the strategy used by my parents, though they some times resorted to passive aggresiveness.

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Permalink Reply by Ava Wilson on April 1, 2011 at 2:42am

I think other forms of punishment are more effective. I won't tirade against parents that use it "responsibly", but it easily slides into child abuse. When my brother stole a candy bar from a store once, my dad found out and asked the store clerk to call the police. This was thirty years ago. He made an arrangement for my brother, who was like 10 at the time, to sit downtown with the cops for a few hours. He made it clear that if he stole like that again, he would end up spending a lot of time there. Obviously my brother was frightened at the idea, and said later on in life to me personally that because of that day he never stole again. Spanking doesn't teach a lesson. Showing consequences does. Or realizing where the problem started-- instead of washing his mouth out with soap for cussing, wash out yours for teaching him to talk that way. And if it wasn't you, find out who uses that language and be proactive about stopping it. Frequently a child who misbehaves does so because of the parents or home situation. Before you blame them, realize that they use what they learn from you because they are kids.

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Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on April 1, 2011 at 3:24am

Enjoyed reading your beautiful insights Ava & Suzanne

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on April 1, 2011 at 5:00am

Thanks Sassan - it's just commonsense to me - I didn't do 'shout' and I didn't do 'hit". I would get a sore throat or a sore hand - what's the point.

My kids are now in their thirties, and they can't come back at me and say "Do you remember when you smacked the Beejeezus out of us." But they do remember when something was taken off them, or they were stopped from going somewhere, and now laugh about it, and practice the same methods with their children.

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Permalink Reply by Loop Johnny on April 1, 2011 at 8:53am

Spanking and phisical violence works on children on the short term. It works nonetheless ( I know kids listen to 'the spank' here in my country ).

 

On the long term, however, this go into the negative.

 

It depends what you like more: long-term or short-term results. Spanking is the fools way out. I, personally, prefer talking.

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on April 1, 2011 at 11:19am

The implied follow up question is: Why? 

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on April 1, 2011 at 11:54am

This is a debate forum, not a survey site, and the whole raison d'etre is therefore debate. Whether you disagree or agree is unimportant, your ability to justify your position is. If you offer conclusions without justifications you might just as well not offer anything since it does not further the debate.

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Permalink Reply by Arcus on April 1, 2011 at 12:39pm

Discussing the discussion is a fairly futile attempt to avoid answering the question. If you do not intend to partake in the discussion, but rather resort to ad hom, then you should not have entered it in the first place.

You could have set up your own counterdebate after your own parameters, but you did not - you chose to engage yourself in this debate, knowing full well my opinions and the paramaters from onset. You did not refuse to play, that would be to obstain in the first place, but you are refusing to play by the rules.

It is not I that is stroking my superior ego, you were the one who offered a conclusion without evidence as to show that you are correct and I am wrong. When I create or enter debates I do my best to argue using evidence and logic, Google Scholar being my preferred weapon. I have done nothing but attack opinions, not persons holding them, and I have offered evidence and observations to underline my conclusions. If those are the hallmarks of a superior ego then yes, by your standards I am guilty of having one.

 

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Permalink Reply by Caitlin on April 1, 2011 at 12:34pm

Yeah.

 

I use it, but sparingly and for specific things. Even then it's only a swat on her diapered butt, not a full out beating.

 

Oh sorry. Lemme say why. I do it because it's what works. Talking, redirection, time out...none of that means anything to my child.

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Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on April 1, 2011 at 2:46pm

I think does who say "they do it because it works" are being lazy. You may have a difficult child but gaining knowledge and an education about works through reading (either online or through a book) can change the way they communicate with their children and making these improvements will result not only in better relationships with your children but later on greater probability of success as your children age. Life may be difficult, but saying "that is the only way it can be done" is nonsense, lazy, and puts us in the mindset of religious people. "Let's believe to believe", it's surely the easiest thing to do. You don't use much brain processes and get eternity!!! How wonderful

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