Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on November 25, 2012 at 6:59pm

Hi Jared - this might be a starting point.  Raising Freethinkers is a good book to have.

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 25, 2012 at 8:55pm

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll check around for it.

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 25, 2012 at 8:54pm

They are the children of a friend is maybe the best way to put it. She herself has been ousted from the church due to the whole children out of wedlock bit. She still sort of rides the fence in the sense that she does not know if she considers herself catholic or if she is agnostic. She keeps the kids in church etc. in part to make the family happy (they're close) also so that they have the option of a catholic school and because she has a hard time accepting that that atheist can have morals.

 To one of them I am some what of a father figure. He and I have had talks about the easter bunny and I asked him questions until he came to the conclusion that the easter bunny couldn't possibly exist. However the easter bunny isn't fed to him weekly. He is 6 years old now.

The other is 12. Very smart and is thrilled to make her family happy. Her father is a happy atheist so I think I'll just let that be unless I could slip her some literature. I think then she will have no problem getting it.

 

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 26, 2012 at 8:58am

And what makes this your business? much less your responsibility? As a non-parent, your only responsibility is to support the real parent in her endeavors to to stay out of this aspect of their lives entirely.Their lives are theirs, yours are yours.

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 26, 2012 at 10:06am

 I have no responsibility to support anyone in anything. We do share our lives. I think what you said is more applicable to you and I.

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 26, 2012 at 1:23pm

I meant only that IF you have any responsibility in the described situation at all, it's to support your friend, not supplant her, go around her, or interfere in their life in any way. The only exception is if she explicitly (not implicitly) asks for some assistance on your part. 

Do you understand the psychological concept of boundaries?

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 26, 2012 at 2:36pm

I never implied that I had any of that in mind. This family IS my business. I felt when posting that going into more detail would be invasive for me.It would be fine with their mother if I explained my stance on these things however I'm unclear as to what is the best way to go about it.

 So yes I clearly understand the concept of psychological boundaries yet I'm beginning to wonder if you do. I mean making a bunch of unsound assumptions I thought was more a thing that religious people do.

 I have a responsibility to the truth, that of which we can't come by when we simply assume something that we think is true. ;)

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 26, 2012 at 3:29pm

I'm still not hearing that she invited you into this issue. Did she? Wait until she instructs you.

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 26, 2012 at 3:52pm

ah... (sigh) well at least you asked this time. You see yes I CAN do this. It's the how that I was inquiring about which makes your "advice" worthless to me.

 Since you persist though I'll tell ya how it went. I'll tell you because I don't think you have much imagination. When I said "do you mind?" She said that she did not mind.

 This IS an invite unseen. Are you being insufferable for a reason?

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 26, 2012 at 8:13pm

Ask archaeopteryx about my insufferability.

So, you injected yourself into the situation. People with weak boundaries will often accept an unsolicited offer of help or advice, setting up a codependent-like relationship where one person (the helper) is essentially telling the other person (the victim), "You're not competent to run your own life, let me control the situation for you."

Sometimes, though, the helper is a victim, too, as he or she is drawn into a situation called "enmeshment."

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Permalink Reply by jared manley on November 26, 2012 at 8:33pm

You have nice words. This is how many times that you have assumed and have been wrong? I don't have to ask anyone about your insufferability I've seen it.  I'm shocked that a guy with a Max Headroom prof pic is so dramatic. Maybe you are lonely. Who knows why a drama queen is a drama queen. Later dood!

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Permalink Reply by Unseen on November 26, 2012 at 8:37pm

jared, I think you're new here. Name calling is frowned upon here, even when responding to someone you may have developed a strong dislike for. 

And when I say frowned upon, I mean by the powers that run the joint.

A word to the wise.

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