Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by David Kenneth Craggs on December 8, 2010 at 5:50pm

It should be fine, especially if he's not the easily offended type.
One thing I would never be able to do though is have a religious wedding.

Why not?

Because I don't want to base my vows on a promise to something I don't believe in.

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Permalink Reply by Atheist Exile on December 8, 2010 at 6:59pm

There's more to life (and marriage) than (the lack of) religion. Love and respect are the primary things, of course, and can be achieved and maintained despite opposing (non-)religious beliefs.

I know this from personal experience. I married my current wife over 4 years ago. She's a very devout, prayerful, Catholic woman (she was a Buddhist until about 12 years ago). She was born and raised, here in the Philippines (but has Chinese ancestry) and has 3 sons. All 3 boys are entirely educated in Catholic schools. Before we married, we discussed our divergent religious views and areas of potential conflict: namely, the children. I agreed that the boys should stay in Catholic schools but that I would not hide my atheism from them and would contradict what they're taught whenever the occasion arises.

Basically, the kids are getting both sides of the coin. I didn't know, at the time, just how all-pervasive the brainwashing is at their schools. I found this out after I started tutoring them. Every text book (even science and math!) drags God and doctrine into their lessons. It's incredible. So, "the occasion" to contradict their brainwashing arises frequently. Nonetheless, we've never had a conflict over religion. It's actually kind of funny; sometimes, when I contradict their text books, they look to their mother who then reaffirms whatever the book says . . . when they look back at me, I shake my head, "no", and we all smile, acknowledging that this is the way it is in our house.

I don't know if any of the boys will abandon the Church. Perhaps the youngest one. But they'll certainly understand that belief is an article of faith which they choose to embrace or not.

So I have to say that an atheist and a Christian can certainly be happy together. How a couple handles their religious differences is something that should be agreed upon before getting married.

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Permalink Reply by Lisa on December 8, 2010 at 9:09pm

Its a problem for us. I can't discuss anything even related to atheism with him. He's not even religious, but whenever I even mention anything about it, it usually ends up in a fight because he is a deist and takes it too personally and feels insulted. I just have to keep my mouth shut. I can't imagine what it would be like if he was a religious person. If I were young and atheist, I don't think I would be able to even date a theist.

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Permalink Reply by bocakiki on December 8, 2010 at 10:22pm

It seems to me that the atheists answering on this forum are the really calm ones. I am one of the "Christopher Hitchens" crew of activist antitheists who is totally against religion of any kind. Yes, it poisons everything; look at all the disgusting and horrendous deeds over the years done in the name of religion.
There is no way I could ever marry anyone who believes in fairy tales. I am married for a great many years to the same man - and even when we married back then I knew I could never be with a religious person. That was a prerequisite to a good marriage for me.
As I said before, the thinking and the world view of the religious on this planet is differently skewed and very limited.
With a real belief in religion you basically denounce science, you doubt evolution and I believe you lose your ability to be a critical thinker.
That is the reason I honestly believe those relationships should be avoided by avowed atheists, unless they are willing to cave and sacrifice their children and their ideas to some cult of religion and some nonexistent god.

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Permalink Reply by Lars Henkel on December 9, 2010 at 9:30pm

"Can an atheist and a christian be together happily?"

Yes, if you don't talk to much about religion and accept each other.

 

Problems come when you have kids....

 

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Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on December 9, 2010 at 9:41pm

A more pertinent question might be: can two people be together happily?  All the issues that apply to the question asked, apply equally to this question.  It depends!

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Permalink Reply by noisician on December 12, 2010 at 11:56am

I think this is a really good point. No two people are going to agree on everything.

Can a Democrat & a Republican live together happily in the US?

Can a Mets fan & a Yankees fan live together happily in NYC?

It depends how big a part of your life it is and how much else you have in common.

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Permalink Reply by Malcolm on December 9, 2010 at 10:24pm

I'm tempted to answer this question by paraphrasing Ben Franklin on keeping secrets. But since several people have widened the topic to include a marriage between a theist and an atheist, I'll add that I'm happily married to a religious person, although she happens to be a Buddhist. I might be able to tolerate being married to a Xian, but I doubt she could stand all my mockery of her ridiculous beliefs.

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Permalink Reply by Caitlin on December 10, 2010 at 7:12pm

It's certainly possible and does happen every single day...

 

But I personally don't know if I could stand it. You have to work at it and agree to compromise. Communication is key.

 

My husband is agnostic and even we agree to disagree on some things.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Ulean Breedlove on December 10, 2010 at 11:30pm

I personally tend to think that love has a stronger bond than ideals to one's beliefs.. As long as he loves you and respects you, and doesn't try and change you to his liking and vice versa, sure why not..

Most everyone in my family is Christian, I am the different one, But I still love them even though we disagree on most everything these days..

It all depends on the maturity of the two who are involved, my husband and I have many very different beliefs, however we share many similar opinions about  the world. As long as there is common ground for you out side of souls and heaven, I would say you should be fine.. I don't know your situation though..

 

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Permalink Reply by Ken Sorce on December 11, 2010 at 9:12am

It depends on the tolerance and open-mindedness of each person. I can say from personnal experience that my situation worked out horribly. When my ex and I first met,we were both non-practicing christians. After about 12 years,she suddenly was " called by god " to go work in a church as a christian education co-ordinator. She got really into it and went to a theological college and became a commissioned pastor. She was reading the bible diligently. Then she began to judge me based on biblical content. I was and am just an ordinary guy with the same pitfalls and hangups your typical american male has. It wasn't good enough. According to her,I wasn't godly and that broke our marriage. So, all I can say is sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

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Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on December 11, 2010 at 11:47am

Sorry Ken!  I've heard similar stories before,unfortunately.  A few of my friends' marriage were broken up by religion.  In two of them the women "found Jesus" and in another it was a male ex-friend who became so dogmatic and Conservative that he left the roman church and joined the Orthodox catholic church.  His wife left him, and I've been told by a mutual friend that he has expressed a desire to kill me. 

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