Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jason Lamar Sorensen on May 9, 2011 at 5:34pm

I like No Religion's attitude towards it. I know that Atheism ( or any religion in general) is always a heated topic, especially when we come to family or cultural traditions. I always go along with what they are doing, although that si where i draw the line. I don't follow the prayer or make any motions that they make, but I will bow my head and close my eyes, and during that moment I usually find myself thinking about how good the food smells and what I plan on doing after dinner, lol.

 

Overall, I'll respect them if they respect me too. Most people I hang out with know my views and respect them by not talking about theirs. I would like to think of myself as a peaceful person that doesn't judge people based on their imaginary friends! :)

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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on May 9, 2011 at 6:02pm

I usually say if asked that I am already grateful for the food I am about to receive and don't need to ask anyone to make me so, especially as I bought it and cooked it myself.

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Permalink Reply by Discern on May 9, 2011 at 7:57pm

I bow my head.

I think it was IEatDinosaurMeat that mentioned choosing your battles. To me, if you make a mountain out of a molehill, you're sabotaging any attempt to de-convert them (as slim as that chance may be). From the get-go, you're putting them on the defensive by not simply bowing your head even if you don't believe it. You might as well walk into the room with an "I am an atheist" shirt on. They'll just see you as arrogant and disrespectful.

It's kind of like debating with a christian and you let out a swear word. Many fundamentals will be more concerned with the swearing than your actual debate. Or, in the case of the denomination I came out of, if you refer to one of their pastors without putting the title "pastor" in front of their name (eg PASTOR Smith), they'll get offended and won't listen to the actual meat of your argument. Yes, that's their problem if they can't hear your actual argument, but as No Religion said, "When in Rome...".

You don't want to plant a massive tree in front of them when you're trying to get them to see the forest from the trees.

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Permalink Reply by Joann Brady on May 9, 2011 at 8:21pm

I refuse to bow my head and pretend. I feel it would be hypocritical.  I wish that ALL atheists would do it at big gatherings, where whole rooms full of people are asked to pray. You would then know whom to approach for intelligent conversation! I often wonder at these things, how many people are just pretending, and wish they wouldn't.

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Permalink Reply by Kendrick Martin on May 15, 2011 at 11:52am

   I agree with you about this, I understand the mis-conception  that if you bow your head and go along with it, your respecting them. To some degree, yes, you are, but mostly you are appeasing them. very, VERY, rarely the religious think of atheists as having a different belief, it's more akin to there thinking of you straying away from "the flock". By contributing to their ritual you aren't making them think "Oh there so considerate and respectful", even if they say something similar to that.I'm not trying to say theists are liars, just that they think very strange. With linear, sensible, thought [atheist+bowing head=trying to be respectful] but they see [atheist+bowing head=that atheist is seeing "the error in their ways and are trying to change"]. The only reason I have this opinion is because as a former catholic this is the general opinion expressed by believers.

   Now don't misinterpret, I don't mean for you to cause a riot over every prayer your expected to take part in, just distancing yourself by means of sitting/standing there and not condoning, condemning, or contributing to the prayer.

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Permalink Reply by Janet Richter on May 9, 2011 at 9:53pm

Here is where I make a distinction.  If I am in their house, at their table, I would be respectful, especially if they are particularly good cooks and I want to get invited back.  I'm not going to pray or chime in on the amen, but their house, their rules.  Rarely do people get respect unless they give it.

We don't say grace at my house.  But - I have to add it has never come up so I don't really know how I would react.  I like the idea of keeping it simple and secular.  Thank you for coming and enjoying this meal.

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Permalink Reply by Kendrick Martin on May 15, 2011 at 12:32pm

 The only problem I see of trying to control whether or not someone says grace at your house is if then you go to their house and they try to make you say grace(your a hypocrite if you don't, and your going against your beliefs if you do). To avoid that maybe you could just let them pray and every one else continues, or you could start by offering grace but instead of saying something religious you just thank them for being there and your glad that you can enjoy this meal with them or something along those lines. But then again I'm just someone on the Internet and it's your call.

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on May 9, 2011 at 10:06pm

I'll hold hands, but I usually just keep my head up and my eyes open. Since everybody else's eyes are closed, I usually end up rolling mine because grace is usually just so cheesy. Like god really had something to do with the big salad in front of us. I've always thought that saying grace is rude to farmers. You know, the people who actually plant, grow, and harvest the food (or breed it, raise it, and slaughter it if its meat). At large dinners, I like to look around to see if anyone else has their head up and eyes open, could be a potential ally.

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Permalink Reply by Misty: Baytheist Living! on May 9, 2011 at 10:35pm

I'm really amazed at the spectrum of responses. 

I can really 'get' almost all of them, too. 

When asked to lead any type of prayer/grace/chat/voodoo, I either respond by doing so in a secular fashion with something non-aggressive but steady like "...and I'm really appreciative for the opportunity to give thanks in the way I feel most comfortable.. by mentioning the hard working farmers who grew this food, the truckers that spent long hours away from their families to bring it to us, the scientists at the FDA that made sure it was safe for us to eat...the wonderful country I have that helps make abundance like this possible..but most of all I appreciate my friends and family gathered here today. I encourage us all to give the way we see fit. After all, it's not about how you give thanks, only that you are thankful." 

Or, depending on the situation, I just keep quiet. 

 

I won't lie. Sometimes I have to bow my head and close my eyes. 

Seeing adults hold hands and chant.. it is so hilarious to me. I can't help it. Sometimes I literally have to close my eyes and think of dead kittens to keep from laughing or giggling. 

 

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Permalink Reply by kris feenstra on May 9, 2011 at 10:38pm

Nothing whets the appetite like thoughts of dead kittens.  0_o

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Permalink Reply by James on May 9, 2011 at 10:53pm

I sit quietly with my head up and eyes open. I too enjoy when there are kids at the table as well. They always look around all confused and I make sure to flash them a smile or even a funny face sometimes. It always seems to cheer them up too.  :)

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Permalink Reply by Holden Freeman Esq. on May 10, 2011 at 3:04pm

This is exactly how I handle the situation.  I once got a stern talking to from one of my aunts for making her kid laugh during grace before a Christmas meal.  I always thought that Christmas was the time to be jolly?  Just another part of the club that I don't get.

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