Hi All !

I haven't been on the boards much since I joined but thought I would start a conversation, just because you all seem so nice :) So I guess this is more a rant post , but I'd love to hear your comments or personal experience and/or opinions !

My fiance and I are getting married in October of 2013 at Casa Loma in Toronto (Yup, I'm getting married in a Castle! lol) ... Anyway; I'm a #ProudAtheist ; some may say 'religiously' atheist haha. My future hubby however is an Anglican ... He doesn't practice; but I suppose you could say he 'has faith'  ... Which is fine by me; everyone has a right to their beliefs doesnt mean I have to share that belief.

Here's were it gets annoying ! IN LAWS !!! Our wedding was planned 2 years in advance and I am already hearing the "I cant believe your not getting married in a church" "Are you even going to be married" "God won't approve of this" ... Best part is; THEY DONT KNOW IM ATHEIST ... Goodness knows what they would say if they knew... I havent told them, not because I care what they think, but more or less that I dont want to listen to them haha. Every function or get together we go too is "OMG did you hear, they arn't even marrying in a chapel" .... Little do they know; its a civil ceremony at that. Pretty sure they are assuming its still going to be an Anglican one just at the castle haha.

I dread thinking of the future when we have children, because no child of mine will ever be baptised. I'm pretty sure my hubby will 'forget' about it; like I said he doesnt practice ; but even his brother and sisters get scolded on a regular basis because their children arnt baptised..

Anyway thats my rant haha. Dont even know how you can take that ... Anyone else on here have the problem of religious in laws intruding into business which is none of theirs ?

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No I haven't but I know one day I will, so please let us know how it went for future references :)

Sorry, I just realised this probably should have went in the 'Advice' category. My bad ~

Well, first I think you should probably tell them that you don't believe in gods...

But the key (appropriately) seems to be to treat them like crazy people. I've seen it a few times in my friends who have kids. The in-laws get relegated to "crazy aunt so-and-so". Which makes sense when you think about it. They're aghast at the idea that rational people don't believe in gods the way a man at an insane asylum is aghast at the idea that you don't believe he's Napoleon.

Just remember one thing. Your wedding day, is a special day for you and your fiancé and it isn't up to anyone else to say how you should get married. And when you have children, it will be up to you and your husband to decide how to raise them and no one else. 

If it comes to it, you may have to politely tell them this. Good luck to you and congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful wedding. 

Yes I agree it is our day and is not up to them. Trust me; I've heard it time and time again from them that the Castle isnt good enough for the ceremony ... I have to say ; this Castle is far nicer than any church I have ever seen and I am not budging on that nor the civil ceremony.

His father found out I don't believe in God and called me an ass. Very mature lol I just made a joke about it, but he knows Im an Atheist. As for his mothers side; I will be telling them soon that I do not believe in god. Its mind boggling how most Christians feel its okay for them to spread the word and speak about their beliefs, but the moment someone else voices a different opinion we are arrogant and rude.

My husband and I talked about getting married in a ceremony, realized our beliefs (he's a Lutheran) and family (white bikers, black gangsters with more than a little racism coming from both sides) would not mix well in... any setting and nixed the idea after contemplating on it for about two days. When we got to the point where we honestly considering speaking privately to certain members of each family about why they can't bring a gun to a wedding and why it's important to be open-minded about other beliefs was pretty much the exact second we decided on a courthouse wedding.

Upside, way less planning. Downside, he's now certain our marriage isn't approved by God and that he's going to Hell. The appropriate response to that isn't a flippant, "Sweety, you married an atheist. At this point you should probably just convert to heathenism, enjoy life, agonize less and apologize later."

We have not settled on the child bearing... thing. It's become a bit of an elephant in the room. We went from neither of us wanting children to each wanting the other's child which was enough of a change but now we're attempting to find common ground on religious teaching and every time we sit down to talk it turns into some sort of argument about one of our beliefs not being represented. It doesn't help that, when cornered, I say flippant things ("You do realize that it's my uterus we're using so, unless I want a child, we're not having one. There's a brothel three blocks that way where you can find someone willing to have your perfect Christian baby.") or that he routinely says things like, "Atheism isn't even a real belief system. It's a lack of belief but it's not real." (Appropriate response to that isn't, "Like your God?")

I agreed to Baptism and church on Sunday. He agreed to me teaching theism six days a week as long as I didn't openly mock Christianity. I agreed to Bible Camp. He refused  to agree to CampQuest (agnostic summer camp) or any of the few Humanist camps in Texas thus causing me to take back Bible Camp. We fought over Christmas and Easter and still  haven't settled that. We've basically come to agreements on the first two years of said child's life. The next sixteen have caused me to consider a long-term, temporary, alternative to birth control and him to consider a vasectomy. 

Good luck!

I'm afraid I cant help much, the only advice I can give is what my husband and I did (similar circumstance, I come from a family of atheists/agnostics, his loosely Catholic but they still do their little hocus pocus rituals)  We got married at a country club and had a nondenominational official to officiate, and Most Importantly, we had a DRY wedding.  Sure you could buy a drink at an exorbitant price from the country club if you wished, but we had no open bar or wine bottles floating around.  Just one glass of champagne around for the toast, and that was it.  It kept people calm and from speaking out rudely and starting fights.  Just a thought to keep the peace at the actual ceremony :)

He left me 2 weeks ago for a 20 year old girl. Lost thousands on the wedding and we just bought a house :( And they say Atheists are the ones with no morals .... Sadly I still love him ; after losing everything ...

How did that happen?

it's not about morals .. u don't want to marry someone only because he was polite enough no to say i don't want to spend the rest of my life with u .. seems that he wasn't mature enough to settle down and make a family and that has nothing to do with u as u seem to be a pretty cool girl.

he'll probably leave the other girl when things get serious and move to another one.



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