Now that I'm an atheist, I need some new vocabulary.  "Oh my God!", "Good Lord!", Jesus Christ!", and "God damn it" all have to go.  What can I replace these God-isms with except for Atheism-isms - but which ones?  What else to say instead?  There ought to be a hand-book or something... let's make one.  And let's have fun (I hope) doing it.

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Mother of Weirdness!!

Father of Strangeness!!

i like to go with simple "jesus fuckin' christ"
"Oh Snap" Don't know if anyone brought this one up yet, I've been using it since the first time I heard it from Joy (Jaime Pressly) on "My Name Is Earl."

I could never use that - my kids used to watch a show on Disney called That's So Raven, starring Raven Simone. She ALWAYS said, "Oh SNAP!" when anything went wrong - and since it was a Disney show, she wound up saying it over and over.

And Over.

And Over....

So you can HAVE that one. I have definitely heard it enough to last me a lifetime. ;)

if i want to say:

jesus, i shorten it to just jeez or bejebus.

mother of god, i say mother of earl

my god, my goodness

 

i'm trying to find a good way to not say things like holy ________ (insert swear/non-swear word here). i've found that saying ballsacks is a good alternative. i've also found ballzheimers (balls + Alzheimers) effective

You could slightly modify the "ballsacks" one to the Brit swear word "bollocks" which means "balls".

There's a great scene in the movie Formula 51 (outside the U.S. this movie is called The 51st State) where Elmo McElroy (Samuel L. Jackson) is riding in a car with a Brit named Felix DeSouza (Robert Carlyle), who explains....

Elmo: So, let me get this straight. "Bollocks" is bad, whereas "the dogs' bollocks" is good, huh?
Felix: Yeah.
Felix: Oh, bollocks!
Elmo: Dog's bollocks?
Felix: No, just plain fucking bollocks!
Elmo: No dog involved?

I really love that movie. Incidentally, one of my favorite lines of all time comes from that movie - and since we're discussing cursing and exclamations here, I'm going to share it with the class.

This line comes from The Lizard (Meat Loaf), an American drug dealer who gets double-crossed by Elmo McElroy, his "chemist". The Lizard is trying to call Elmo when he realizes he's about to get blown up. The last thing Elmo hears on the voice mail is,

The Lizard: He fucked me. I'm truly ass-invaded!

On a side note, if you enjoy Brit humor, like over-the-top car chases along with over-the-top characters, and want to laugh your ass off, then I highly recommend this movie.

 

Could be like Vegeta and say "great galaxies" or "son of a namic!"
I say Christ a lot out of frustration.
My prefered is "Jesus Fucking Christ".  I'll also use "Jesus H Fucking Christ on a goddamned cross", but that's a little time consuming.  I've tried and failed to reliably use "By Odin's One Eye" and "Thor's Balls".

Son of a bee sting!

Mother of Pearl!

What the bananas?!

For the sake of discussion,  what if.... suppose Pilate gave Jesus five years - with time off for good behavior....

I find the best way to train yourself to stop using these type of religious expressions (and to have some fun at the expense of the deluded) is to modify them rather than replace them completely, i.e replace "Oh God" with "Oh Thor", "Jesus Christ!" with "Cheesy Crust!" or "George Christ!" or if they are racist as well still say "Jesus Christ!" but pronounce it "haysoos", "God knows" with "Science knows", "God damn-it" with a plural "Gods damn-it", "Bless you" with "Curse you" or "Odin blesses you" or for a little more impact, if it's relevant "I would have said bless you but god would expect you to cover your mouth"
Mix up the gods you use for more fun.

Obviously some of these will get a reaction you may not want to deal with at the time so they have to be used appropriately.

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