"Aspie" is the too cute name that sufferers of Asperger's Syndrome have given themselves - we're Aspies! There's spittle on my screen now from the raspberry I just blew ... I hate cute! - well, puppies and kittens can be cute - but not overweight, balding, middle aged men who chain smoke and drink coffee all day - and night ... I don't know how to make friends. I've never learned; I can't learn - I can't read body language, despite the best efforts of my various keepers ... I'm always shocked to find that people do like me - why they do, I don't know. I don't much like myself ... My sister says that people like me because I'm non-judgmental - well, what else can a chronically mentally ill, queer heretic be but nonjudgmental? It's not like I've got room to talk! That and whatever one tells me never, ever goes further (unless I am asked to pass the word on) ... And I don't envy anyone anything. Why? Long ago, I realized that everyone - no matter who - is living in his/her own private hell that's far worse looking on the inside than on the outside. The Greeks were right: if we were given the chance to trade our problems for somebody else's, we'd all keep our own! It may be a bed of nails, but it's my bed of nails - my bed of nails in my very own dungeon that I don't have to share w/anyone ... I'm a pessimist, a cynic, and a skeptic - devout! And for those very reasons you'll get a much better deal from me than from Pangloss

 And there - that's how somebody w/Asperger's Syndrome says hello ... "Hello!" 

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Thank you for the welcome.

I think that I mentioned somewhere that I'm also dyslexic ... I avoid writing by hand. Oh, I can read my own handwriting, but no one else can read it. Being left-handed is no help!

Yes, they're thinking of taking Asperger's out of the DSM - at least that's what one of my counselors has said. The feeling is that "high-functioning autism" covers Asperger's Syndrome and that there is no need for a separate category. Other people, my counselor included, want Asperger's to head a new category - differently-abled, as opposed to disabled. What a load that is! You live w/this shit and see if you feel differently-abled! The counselor's name is Christina, and she is even more liberal than I am (which isn't easy) - which means that she believes in a world that does not exist, a world where the tyranny of norms can be ignored - that being able to fit in is not so essential to success. Well, for one who fits in nicely, it's a nice enough "theory"! ... People make noise about how oddballs often find fame and fortune - but it's only the oddballs who have a brand of oddity that people are willing to buy who find fame and fortune! The rest of us count ourselves lucky to qualify for SSI ... I can't interest myself in anything to which I cannot apply Set Theory - a job has to have features that can be defined in terms of sets and classes and, then, I have to be able to devise functions that can be applied to the sets and classes ... Let's not get going w/that just yet! Point is, I find it almost impossible to do anything w/o making a vast deal out of it, submitting the whole to my contorted thinking process, grinding it down to the finest dust - and then I'm bored w/it, and it becomes torture ... To give me a deadline is - a waste of your time! And I can't show deference. I treat everyone the same. And I don't pay attention to the news - or what's going on around me - In short, I'm unemployable! And I can't control any of that - I'm just beginning to be able to cut myself off. I'd go on for days otherwise. So, I'll shut up - except to say, thank you for the welcome ... I have a cousin who's autistic, much worse than me, the sort who sits in corners, oblivious. 




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