Ask a Farmer Atheist
Hi all – I am new here and would just like to introduce myself. I am an Atheist and recently I converted to farming so now I am a farmer Atheist. I am an ex-xtian and once used to get great pleasure from animal husbandry. One day while tending to my fronkeys I accidently ate some of the same fungus the herd seemed to enjoy so much. Then one of the fronkeys named Nurse Ratchet pointed me towards the scarecrow that dwelt in the next field. What happened next was amazing!! The scarecrow told me to look under the bushel in the corner of the field. There I found a special book. I removed a powerful crystal from the scarecrows tattered clothing and using it I was able to read its sacred words.
It was revealed to me that I must at once sell all my fronkeys and invested the money in some magic beans which are only sold at the magic bean store. I scattered them across the field and as promised on the label 3 days later there had arisen some “bright shoots of everlastingness.” If I allowed some of these plants to “see the light” I would be better able to understand “even to the point of seeing the face of God”. I then set about tending to my crop with great diligence. After 40 days and 40 nights the scarecrow reappeared in a dream and he did speak unto me “It is now time for thee to prepare for the rapture so thou can be truly saved”. So I gathered in my crop and waited patiently for the scarecrow to return, all the while wondering what had become of the fronkeys. Finally one glorious afternoon as I was waking up he arrived and with a triumphant shout uttered the special words “Is thou ready to be saved?” I gave my positive affirmation to the request. I got saved that night. Since then words like “Group Polarization” or “Confirmation Bias” having no meaning in my life. What is important to me is the rapture I feel in my heart when I get saved. I now get saved as often as possible.
So if any of you ordinary Atheists have any questions please feel free to ask me, especially ones about chocolate biscuits. I will do my best to answer them in no particular order.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Hope on -
Wow, glad to know that! :)
What a coincidence I graduated from the faculty of agriculture!
I studied the basics of agriculture" Extension,Animal Production,,etc.."
..but I specialized in nutrition.
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Permalink Reply by Walter Maki on -
I could never be a farmer because it's too much work.
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Permalink Reply by Walter Maki on
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Of course I could always ask the big mute indian to help me find the scarecrow by offering more magical chewing gum. Don't ask him to help you with the plumbing though, he will just rip out the sink.
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on -
Juicy Fruit.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on -
The Scarecrow also revealed to me to be on guard against the Aquinas chain gang from the next farm and their notorious “5 Ways” of free farming. It turns out that an over reliance on these methods can be devastating to the prospects of a good harvest. The day I first set foot in my field I recall as the day of my “original shin”. What “first caused” me to set foot in the field and become a farmer Atheist was to sow as much doubt as possible. I want to be a good farmer and be outstanding in my own field. It does not need to be the greatest field that we can imagine. I will have to grow a different crop next year. I think I will grow some logic trees in case the neighbours decide to plant some “arguments for contingency” as they might deem that to be a logically necessary. Maybe I will leave it fallow for a year – I mean why should there be something when I can have nothing? I suppose some might argue that growing nothing is the default state of the farm but the existence of a crop may not be any more natural. Okay time to spread a few predicates and kill off those ontological weeds before they take hold.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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Until I trip myself up on a philosophers stone (ouch!). I suppose it takes a poet to know one :-)
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Permalink Reply by Walter Maki on
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Shall I put away my pick of Logic and stop digging In the trench of Reason.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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Only when lighting the fuses :-)
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Permalink Reply by Walter Maki on
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I will send in my troll of fallacy to light it so not harm us when the religymite goes off we are out of harms way. I will tell him the scarecrow said to do it.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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That's a great plan Walter. For we have certain knowledge and not propable belief. No cognitive determinism shall sway us from using religymite as a moral imperitive. Fortunately it only damages the invisible types. There will be no unintended consequences. What could go wrong with The Crow on our side??
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