Ask a Farmer Atheist
Hi all – I am new here and would just like to introduce myself. I am an Atheist and recently I converted to farming so now I am a farmer Atheist. I am an ex-xtian and once used to get great pleasure from animal husbandry. One day while tending to my fronkeys I accidently ate some of the same fungus the herd seemed to enjoy so much. Then one of the fronkeys named Nurse Ratchet pointed me towards the scarecrow that dwelt in the next field. What happened next was amazing!! The scarecrow told me to look under the bushel in the corner of the field. There I found a special book. I removed a powerful crystal from the scarecrows tattered clothing and using it I was able to read its sacred words.
It was revealed to me that I must at once sell all my fronkeys and invested the money in some magic beans which are only sold at the magic bean store. I scattered them across the field and as promised on the label 3 days later there had arisen some “bright shoots of everlastingness.” If I allowed some of these plants to “see the light” I would be better able to understand “even to the point of seeing the face of God”. I then set about tending to my crop with great diligence. After 40 days and 40 nights the scarecrow reappeared in a dream and he did speak unto me “It is now time for thee to prepare for the rapture so thou can be truly saved”. So I gathered in my crop and waited patiently for the scarecrow to return, all the while wondering what had become of the fronkeys. Finally one glorious afternoon as I was waking up he arrived and with a triumphant shout uttered the special words “Is thou ready to be saved?” I gave my positive affirmation to the request. I got saved that night. Since then words like “Group Polarization” or “Confirmation Bias” having no meaning in my life. What is important to me is the rapture I feel in my heart when I get saved. I now get saved as often as possible.
So if any of you ordinary Atheists have any questions please feel free to ask me, especially ones about chocolate biscuits. I will do my best to answer them in no particular order.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Gregor Basić on -
a nice roundabout way of insulting people, kudos to you
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on -
People or person ? No insults intended. I f anyone takes insult then its down to different interpretations of words which of course have never caused any misunderstandings in the past.
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Permalink Reply by Gregor Basić on
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You don't think "Ask a former atheist" has anything to do with your post?
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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Of course not!! I mean what I posted makes complete sense. It is obviously true. I have evidence to support it. It is not just my subjective experience based on an emotional happening in my life. It is objective and real. I would not waste any ones time with something that was only a theory. My faith is inspired by Lord Sativa herself. I mean it is ontological correct to have magic beans in a metaphysical sense. If we can conceive in our minds the greatness of someone who is the creator of the fronkey (ooops) I mean Fronkey with a capital surely its love can be felt in the innerness of our being. It may be difficult for those who REFUSE to believe in their hearts. The Truth is a fact because it is revealed knowledge and is therefore justifiable. It is not just a fable. Not all of us a going to fly over the cuckoos nest and survive the landing without the help of St Paul the Newman. For the word is Fronkey breathed as understood by natural teapotology even if Spinoza was an Atheist though he may not have viewed himself as such. I make just as much sense.
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Permalink Reply by Gregor Basić on
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lol, just checking ;D
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on -
I am very compelled by Nurse Ratchet but you should know that R.P. McMurphy only follows instructions from Nurse Ratched so I know this has to be bunk.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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That's only becasue he is afraid of where she will put his tablets if he does not take them. Of course I can provide Evidence for such a statement.
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it." :-)
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on
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[LIKE] - if you would have thrown in a Cool Hand Luke reference I would have joined your church in a heartbeat, but unfortunately what we have here is failure to communicate.
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Permalink Reply by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on
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Ok, pickin' up the hard boiled eggs here boss. Sing along
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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on
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I love that song and I want a plastic Jesus on my dashboard. Absolution for $2,99 at walmart - roll back prices on eternal salvation, yay!
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Permalink Reply by Ethan Levy on -
it has to be true he has a photo & if the scarecrow talked to him he must be a prophet!
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Permalink Reply by Albert Bakker on -
Logic demands you are right. That photo looks awfully real. This increases the probability that it in fact is real, just as if it looked fake that would have increased the probability that it in fact is fake. I must admit that I cannot be sure, but at least I can be sure that the authenticity of the photo is confirmed by the scarecrow speaking. Namely in Craigian probability theory: P(F|E&B) > P(F|B) ,the evidence in the equation here being the talking scarecrow.
Or transsyllogized in true theosophic fashion:
P1. If Nurse Ratchet wouldn't exist the scarecrow would be silent.
P2. The scarecrow did talk.
C . Therefore Nurse Ratchet exists.
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