Hi all – I am new here and would just like to introduce myself. I am an Atheist and recently I converted to farming so now I am a farmer Atheist. I am an ex-xtian and once used to get great pleasure from animal husbandry. One day while tending to my fronkeys I accidently ate some of the same fungus the herd seemed to enjoy so much. Then one of the fronkeys named Nurse Ratchet pointed me towards the scarecrow that dwelt in the next field. What happened next was amazing!! The scarecrow told me to look under the bushel in the corner of the field. There I found a special book. I removed a powerful crystal from the scarecrows tattered clothing and using it I was able to read its sacred words.

It was revealed to me that I must at once sell all my fronkeys and invested the money in some magic beans which are only sold at the magic bean store. I scattered them across the field and as promised on the label 3 days later there had arisen some “bright shoots of everlastingness.” If I allowed some of these plants to “see the light” I would be better able to understand “even to the point of seeing the face of God”. I then set about tending to my crop with great diligence. After 40 days and 40 nights the scarecrow reappeared in a dream and he did speak unto me “It is now time for thee to prepare for the rapture so thou can be truly saved”. So I gathered in my crop and waited patiently for the scarecrow to return, all the while wondering what had become of the fronkeys. Finally one glorious afternoon as I was waking up he arrived and with a triumphant shout uttered the special words “Is thou ready to be saved?” I gave my positive affirmation to the request. I got saved that night. Since then words like “Group Polarization” or “Confirmation Bias” having no meaning in my life. What is important to me is the rapture I feel in my heart when I get saved. I now get saved as often as possible.

So if any of you ordinary Atheists have any questions please feel free to ask me, especially ones about chocolate biscuits. I will do my best to answer them in no particular order.

 

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The stranger it sounds the more people believe in it.
Sorry to say, but your bean experience was all a lie.  The real way to activate magical beans is the same way you activate all magical things; you have swallow them down whole without question.  It's stomach acid that releases the magic.  The only way to see the magical effects is to stick your head firmly up your ass before it all turns to crap.  Note that a colonoscopy or other similar means of observation won't work as science and technology are mysteriously blind to magic.
I had been meaning to ask.
This is real! My cousin's best friend's baby's mama's aunt saw one of these in her garden last year. The evidence is there. You just don't want to see it.
No way - this is Real Evidence. Let there be no miscommunication about it.  I stuck my head up there and was still able to see the light !!

Er... I don't know about anyone else, but I'm corn-fused. 0.o

 

Maybe I don't understand atheism like I should. Am I missing something??

Hi Unclepg,

Hopefully in time it will become clear. All that is required is a little blind faith based on no evidence whatsoever. The scarecrow says many wise things which will be revealed to all in time. Believe first and proof shall follow. Always remember not to take breeding woodpeckers onto a wooden boat.
Do you still have the golden tablets.. er, I mean special book that you translated or did the scarecrow take the original back to a magical world leaving you only with the translation?
Hi Apple – I am currently working on a new version of a Translation which is a copy of one written in a different language that nobody speaks anymore so it should be as clear as mud when it is finished. However it must then be copied over and over again for 1500 years before it can be printed. I like the name Apple. There is a saying in this part of the world that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”. I would love a bucket of apples and the doctors’ wife. :-)
a nice roundabout way of insulting people, kudos to you
People or person ? No insults intended. I f anyone takes insult then its down to different interpretations of words which of course have never caused any misunderstandings in the past.

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