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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 6, 2011 at 10:58pm

Heh heh... Wellll

Jesus died and rose again, then ascended into Heaven... promising to return before that generation had passed (which has been reinterpreted over and over to fit into the idea a generation has not actually passed since then)... this is what Christians refer to as the "Second Coming". But a bunch of prophesies have to be fulfilled before Jesus can return. There is supposed to be a seven-year Tribulation before Jesus' 1,000 yr reign here on earth, and some Christians believe they will be "raptured" before the Tribulation and spared the torment and misery that is supposed to ensue. Some believe they will be "raptured" during the Tribulation, and some believe it will happen after.

Most Christians believe that to be "raptured", God's people will literally disappear from the plant (leaving behind their clothes/fillings/implants/shoes) and reappear in Heaven in their spiritual form. They theorize (can I use the word "theorize" in the context of complete BS??) this event will kick-off the seven-year Tribulation because of the destruction that will ensue as a result of people simply disappearing suddenly. For instance, an airline pilot may disappear and his plane would crash, and any scenario you can think of where a person disappearing could be a huge problem for those in the vicinity.

After the 1,000 year reign, somehow all God's people will end up on the "New Earth"... Satan will be cast into eternal damnation (separate from nonbelievers?)... God and Jesus will reign supreme for all eternity while the "chosen" will sing his praises forever more (my thought is... isn't that a sort of Hell?)

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 6, 2011 at 11:02pm

Oh yeah, I think the Tribulation is supposed to get the attention of nonbelievers so they will be compelled to repent. It's like the last effing chance for all of humanity. A lot of Christians think many will convert right after the Rapture and become spiritual leaders/warriors and lead those who are "Left Behind" to Christ. Then Jebus will appear and they'll all have a party for 1,000 years. Except, of course, those that were too damn hard headed to repent.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on March 6, 2011 at 11:08pm

To expand on that a little....

 

If you happen to be a passenger on an airliner that has a Christian cockpit - you won't get a chance to repent because the plane will crash.

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 6, 2011 at 11:19pm

Indeed, if you die during the Trib before you get a chance to repent, you're fuct. But isn't that basically true now? lol

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Permalink Reply by Michael Andrews on March 6, 2011 at 11:40pm

Thank you, Cara for your mind-numbing encapsulation!  Jebus...?

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 7, 2011 at 12:12am

It is quite mind numbing, isn't it? :) :) :)

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on March 7, 2011 at 12:15am

Ignore 2nd part of response; mistaken identity.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Spoonheim on March 6, 2011 at 11:53pm

When I was young, my grandmother explained to me that since the moment Jesus died on the cross, anyone who didn't worship him would go to hell.  Apparently there was a loophole for people who lived before Jesus, but that's another part of the mythology altogether.  Anyway, I asked her what happened to people who lived after Jesus but who had never heard of him.  She got pretty upset and said, "Everybody had heard of him by the time he died!"

 

Here came one of my earliest conundrums.  I asked her about the Indians (as in North American Aborigines) because they didn't even know about Jerusalem and stuff until the white people came here.  She got incredibly upset and the whole situation got ugly.  What I didn't know then was that she was, in point of fact, Indian.  LOL

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Permalink Reply by Ethan Levy on March 7, 2011 at 3:20am

i love that jesus died for everyone sins, so if no one sins he died for nothing & not only that he came back from the dead which cancels out him dying in the first place it'd be like me donating all the money in the whole to a cancer research then saying 3 days later umm lolz guys i want my money back i'm going to vegas with my pops, like wtf lol

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Permalink Reply by Jānis Ķimsis on March 8, 2011 at 3:39am

I think "wtf lol" sums religion up perfectly.

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Permalink Reply by Chris G on March 8, 2011 at 11:50pm

After The Rapture Pet Care was started to take care of the pets of raptured christians.

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Permalink Reply by Tor Hershman on March 7, 2011 at 4:31am

Fear, ye siners, and bough beefor the word of the profits!!!

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