Any Chance I'll Get the Jehovah's to Give up Knocking on My Door?

When people are nice and friendly, I'm also nice and friendly.  When I lived in Ohio, the Jehovah's were the heavy-handed fire-and-brimstone sort.  In Canada, they're very Canadian :)  Polite, nice, friendly, not pushy at all.  So I nod and smile and tell them politely:  "I'm an atheist."  and they, very concerned and still friendly, "What does that mean?" 

"It means I do not believe there is a god.  I do not believe Jesus was the son of a god." 

So the next time they stop and leave not a pamphlet but a whole book titled "Is there a God" or some such and they don't stay or talk, just leave the book in my hand and leave.

Next time they ask if I've thought about it and read the book.  Have to admit, I really didn't read the book, just glanced through to confirm my suspicion of circular arguments and absurdities.  Like:  "Gravity!  Newton didn't MAKE gravity!  God did! Gravity is proof of God's existence."  That one made me laugh out loud all the way to the recycle bin.  So I told them that I've spent YEARS thinking about this and the ONLY thing that makes sense is that MAN made God in MAN's image and then crafted a lot of stories and rules that served a few men, but not all of mankind.  Well, the woman looked like I sprouted horns in front of her and the man just looked confused.  Left ANOTHER pamphlet and left.  (I take all pamphlets they give and promptly recycle them.  My theory is the more I have the fewer will land in the hands of vulnerable people.) 

I strongly suspect this man and his wife say to each other, "She's far too nice to be an atheist" as they leave my driveway.  I suspect they are misinterpreting my politeness for a weakness or an interest in their religion. 

There is not the slightest chance they will ever convert me. 

I'm not uncomfortable by their presence and I think I'm doing the world a service by recycling their propaganda.  But...what can you say to a Jehovah's witness to get them to realize it won't gonna work?  I've been blatantly honest and that's still not doing the trick. 

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Permalink Reply by Senectus on August 5, 2010 at 4:44am
I found this worked wonders for me :-)
http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/7475/goodbook.jpg
Permalink Reply by CannedAm on August 5, 2010 at 12:28pm
:) I like it!
Permalink Reply by Yet Another Atheist on August 5, 2010 at 4:45am
"I'm an atheist. You cannot convert me anymore than I can convert either of you into abandoning your faith. You are wasting your time here, and anywhere else you proselytize, because nobody in the history of mankind has ever completely converted their entire belief system based upon repetitive, annoying visits by peddlers of snake oil and wishful thinking. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
Permalink Reply by Nathan on August 5, 2010 at 5:16am
You won't. There's no point doing anything more than what you are already doing ... helping the Earth. You good person you. I know religious people who refuse to recycle! Their "ministry" duties are carried out with utmost importance and they really do believe that disturbing your Christmas Day (which they do) is appropriate.

I married a JW, and it wasn't easy. I was encouraged to convert, I was amiable and attended one of their church meetings to "meet and greet" to try and convince them I wasn't evil. In the end, they gave up on me, and kicked my wife out of their "church" for associating with a non-believer. Obviously, it was all *my* fault, not hers for having doubts in the first place.

Now, after having failed, I have a healthy relationship with her parents, though her dad insists on telling me bible stories to give it another shot. I politely nod. There is often a message right at the end that is really complimentary but he wasn't able to articulate without using his literature.

They are beyond help, just close the door and recycle. Or put it down for your dog to crap on, at least then you are helping your Dog in his work.
Permalink Reply by Jaume on August 5, 2010 at 7:50am
I've never tried to get rid of Witnesses (I just revel in arguing with them and pointing out contradictions in their Bible and their creed), but eventually it happened when they ran short of arguments. So you may try this route if you have time to waste ;-)
Permalink Reply by Jon Heim on August 5, 2010 at 8:06am
lol nothing will work, so maybe if you scare them? Idk...draw an upside down pentacle on your door with fake Halloween blood, answer the door with a stream of words in Latin and tell them they are cursed.
Fortunately in the small town I live in, we've only had em around twice in my whole lifetime.
Permalink Reply by Mike Vaughan on August 5, 2010 at 8:24am
Just tell them you're busy having lunch with the devil.
Permalink Reply by Michael R on August 5, 2010 at 10:03am
Back in my college days (nearly 30 years ago...ahhhh!) I had a couple and their child showed up at my door. They were polite while they showed me their materiel and asked if they could come back after I had read it. Since I was between major projects I agreed.

A week later they appeared (minus the child) and I asked them inside. We all sat down and got comfortable. I prefaced the discussion with the statement that I was an an atheist. There were worried looks on their faces. I also stated that I hoped that they had some time because I had no classes that day and was expecting to go thru their material in detail. To make a long story short, ~3 hours later they left and never returned. I actually had a pleasant discussion, although it was more of a difficult discussion for them. I must admit I actually had fun! This was the first time in my adult life that I had opened myself up to a dialog of this type.
Permalink Reply by Mario Rodgers on August 5, 2010 at 4:06pm
Nothing says "leave me alone" like a 10 gauge shotgun.
Permalink Reply by Prazzie on August 6, 2010 at 12:49am
Invite them in for a game of chess. Have blood donor posters on your walls and a Satanic Bible on the coffee table.
Permalink Reply by Gaytor on August 6, 2010 at 1:32am
I can't get them to visit me. 5 years in our house and the wife got them once. The knocked and ran before I got downstairs last time just leaving a pamphlet. Sigh... If only we could talk I might be able to save one from the cult.

Reading this and thinking about the annoyance of it, I should find out when they are having a service and knock on the church door with some atheist pamphlets. I wonder who I'm going to get to film that for me. 150 JW's and me. Have you heard the good news? We found a telomeric fusion in chromosome #2 and ERV's in corresponding locations between Humans and Chimps proving common ancestry!

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