That's fine for you... good luck. I'm glad you have found happiness. But I am an atheist. And as a woman... I have never been happier. Atheism has set me free from a belief that I had to love a "god" I couldn't love because he hated me just because I was born with a vagina.
I remember screaming at "god" [which was the ceiling] DEMANDING to know why he had put this curse on me! But now... I see the truth...
The bible was written by men, for men... in a time when women had a value that was less than cattle. Women were livestock to be controlled, humiliated, beaten, and used for a man's needs...
I had only begun to tell you what Yahweh wanted us to do. If we were raped and didn't scream loud enough.. .we were to be stoned in public. If a daughter was found to lack a hymen before her marriage, her parents would drag her out into the street and the whole village was to kill her by stoning. If she was a priest's daughter... the punishment was worse... she would be burned alive...
I HAVE read the bible and have gotten a completely different impression from it. I have seen a god that is a childish, short-tempered, tantrum-throwing, bloodthirsty monstrosity who is obsessed with blood and death.
As an answer to your question, "what did I pray for" I prayed for God to stop the deterioration of my faith... which was melting away as I learned to reason and think for myself. I prayed [sobbing] asking God why he had given me autism [a disease which would make it likely that I would always be alone] and why he had given me the severe and devastating mental illness of bipolar. I didn't understand what I could possibly have done to deserve the level of suffering I went through.
There is no one watching out for me... but I like that better anyway... it's okay. And being in charge of your own destiny is quite empowering.
Deconversion was a time of darkness and horror for me until I came to the realisation of what I really was... an atheist. Being an atheist has improved my life in ways I can't describe.. my eyes are open... and I see heaven on earth. The only regret I feel is that my family [who are still christians] can't see it. Only YOU can deconvert yourself... and usually it will happen against your will. I don't know yet why it happens. But I know that it is the process of bringing freedom.
I am grateful that you were not caustic in responding to me. When examining your thoughts... don't brush them away as sinful right away. Don't be afraid to ask your god WHY he demands such things.
If he really speaks to you, as you suggest... then ask him yourself...
Why is sex sinful? Why are women subserviant? What is his plan in that.
I am a stubborn person... and that quality set me free... I was told that "God had a reason." But being stubborn and intelligent... I wanted to demand to god WHAT that reason was. I never got an answer... but maybe you will... or maybe not.
How powerful REALLY is your faith? Do you believe that you can do what jesus did? Can you move a mountain by commanding it in the name of the Holy Spirit?
[See the gospels... Jesus mentions this in one of them]
If you don't believe you can... maybe that's not a weakness... maybe you need to reexamine. NEVER be afraid to examine your paradigm [point of view].
Good luck... and goodbye.