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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on April 13, 2011 at 11:03pm

My grandfather died recently. He was super worried about my salvation not too long beforehand. I was home for Thanksgiving and he cornered me to ask about it. He started crying. I told him I was saved, but I don't think he believed me. My mom was oblivious to his need to believe I was a Christian, and blabbed it to both grandparents.

My heart breaks when I think of him, just because I know this thing was not resolved. I know he's gone now, and it doesn't hurt him anymore, but I wish his last memory and thought of me could've been positive and happy. I wanted him, of all people, to be pleased with who I had become. I feel like I deeply disappointed him, and that hurts in a way I find hard to express. It's not that he didn't love me after finding out... it's that he loved me so, so much... and only wanted the best for me. Even though I think prayer is useless, there was still something special about knowing he said a prayer for me every, single day. Just knowing I was on his mind every day meant a lot.

Like I said in a different post, I wish my grandma didn't know. I didn't tell her. I feel betrayed that my mom told her.

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Permalink Reply by Shine on May 18, 2011 at 4:00am

Cara, that is so terrible that someone else told your grandparents. In a deeply religious family, it's a personal choice to reveal your contrarian ideas.  

 

I feel the same way when my religious family members pledge their prayers to me: I deeply appreciate the intent, even if I don't believe that any effect will follow from the action.

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Permalink Reply by Ryan E. Hoffman on April 13, 2011 at 5:53pm

I hide my atheism from my grandma too. She's a hardcore Catholic. It gives her comfort, and I'd never be able to change her mind anyway. There would be no point in revealing such information.

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Permalink Reply by Greg Gorey on April 13, 2011 at 11:06pm

my position too. If it comforts someone and it isn't hurting anything, I don't care. I only put the gloves on and enter the ring when people try to push creationism in school or try to take a woman's power to make her own decisions about her vagina.

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Permalink Reply by Dave G on April 13, 2011 at 7:24pm

I don't so much hide my atheism from my grandmother as much as I just don't bring it up. Grandma is a fairly devout believer, but not crazily so. However, since she recently made Facebook account, and my religious setting is 'atheist', I doubt it'll remain unknown for long.

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Permalink Reply by Reggie on April 14, 2011 at 7:13am

You truly are my evil twin.  Only difference is that I don't think my grandma will ever own a computer, let alone make a Facebook account.  If she did, though, I would not change my "atheist" designation, either.

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Permalink Reply by Dave G on April 14, 2011 at 2:45pm

Grandma got a computer last year, having been convinced that the grandkids are much more likely to write emails than letters. :)

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Permalink Reply by Seth B Rollings on April 13, 2011 at 7:27pm

put me on the list of not telling grandma's haha

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Permalink Reply by Kris Feenstra on April 13, 2011 at 7:40pm

I am what I am.  I'm not going to pretend to be anything else, which is my prerogative.  My grandparents can accept me or not; that's their prerogative.  I understand it's not that simple for everyone, but in my case, it is.  As it stands, it's not that relevant for me anyway, as I have almost no direct contact with my grandparents.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel King on April 13, 2011 at 10:29pm

I burn with envy as I read your post. :P 

 

I hope to be as bold and happy with myself as you are one day. I probably will, one day soon. 

 

I always think to myself "If they have an issue with me, that's their problem, not mine." 

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Permalink Reply by Kris Feenstra on April 14, 2011 at 9:02pm

It's probably mostly a matter of circumstances.  As far as atheism goes, I had it pretty easy growing up.  Neither of my parents were (or are) religious, and my community and social circles were mostly pretty liberal and open.  Atheism was pretty common.  I never grew up around my grandparents, so my sense of accountability to them is pretty limited.  

 

While part of my forthrightness with regard to my atheism is the result of my personality, I also grew up with a sense of entitlement toward being an atheist.  It's my constitutional right as a Canadian, and more importantly, it's my right as a human being (even if that right is not respected in all places by all people).

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Permalink Reply by Cara Coleen on April 13, 2011 at 10:52pm

I wish my gramma didn't know I was a nonbeliever. For some reason, I don't care if my mother knows, but it makes me sad to worry my gramma. She's not a fragile, weak old woman... she's very strong and intelligent... but I hate that she fears for me. I really, really hate it. I always had such a great relationship with her (I was her fav), but now... I've disappointed and confused her. She still loves me best! But that kindred feeling we had has diminished. She always got me, and now she's baffled. :(

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