Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 12, 2011 at 9:32pm

Oh hell no!
I'm a huge advocate of NOT telling anyone in my family that is old, infirm or otherwise unfairly burdened.
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they really are. No one likes hiding. But sometimes the over-all well being of another individual gets priority.
I always ask myself "If I tell this person, is it serving my own selfish desires in such a way that it makes their life worse?" I have people in my family...OLD people in my family that really think Atheists were going to burn in hell, and would really be feeling an undue burden if I came out to them. That's not ok. Physical health and well being first.
Emotional honesty don't mean shit if grandma dies of a heart attack when she finds out I'm a Daughter of Perdition/Denier/Whatever flavor of hellbound heathen she believes in.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel King on April 12, 2011 at 9:59pm

We share some mutual beliefs! I definitely don't think it's okay to make someone upset when you know they'd never accept it. 

 

Only my dad knows. Everyone knows I'm gay, but I think that's enough coming out for a while. They had a hard enough time accepting that. My dad is too smart to hate and be a bigot. He understands. 

 

Well, we can come together and be heathens living in harmony. :)

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Permalink Reply by Kris Potter on April 12, 2011 at 10:25pm

Honestly Misty, it seems that you're misrepresenting yourself to your grandma in order to gain favor. Especially because it seems like she already hates you, that is the real you that you're keeping from her. I find this to be a shame, on her behalf and also a shame on your own. I guess you're being the bigger person, I just hope you're not allowing yourself to feel loved and accepted by someone you have to lie to in order to remain loved and accepted.

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Permalink Reply by Reggie on April 12, 2011 at 10:57pm

I disagree with that. Unless she is pretending to be a Christian, leading prayers, and thanking the lawd every few minutes, then she is not necessarily misrepresenting herself. People don't need to know everything about me in order for me to "be true". If her relationship with her grandparents does not hinge on god belief (or lack thereof), then what does it matter?

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Permalink Reply by Mike Rosier on April 13, 2011 at 6:55pm

i'm with Reggie.  we don't have enough information to say that Misty is being dishonest.  I'm an out atheist, but not everyone understands how we arrive at this point in our lives, no matter how much we explain or justify. 

 

There's something to be said for handing uncomfortable subjects with a certain amount of discretion.  That's not the same as subversion.

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Permalink Reply by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 15, 2011 at 4:56pm

Misrepresenting? Wow.
Thanks for your advice, but it is misplaced.
Please read my post again.
I actually was raised by my grandparents. They have been dead for about a decade. I kept my secret and to this day have no regrets. We had a great relationship.
The rest of my family (that I am not particularly close to) are the ' extremists.'
In every sense of the word.
Yeah. Real ones.
We don't discuss politics or religion at all. Not if any of us want even the most casual of relationships.
I spare them the details of my heathen pursuits. They spare me their white, Xtian rhetoric.
I rarely live in the same continent as my family. My need to be loved and respected is more than fulfilled by my husband, dog and friends. I am happy and complete with what I have. My in laws are British, so they were relieved to find out I wasn't a 'typical' religious
American.

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Permalink Reply by Kris Potter on April 17, 2011 at 4:50pm

I did, I read it several times before I replied. I suppose you value your grandparents even knowing that you'd have been disowned for being yourself, had they known of it. Knowing that, I would have disliked them tremendously for being archaic and disingenuous

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Permalink Reply by Shine on May 18, 2011 at 3:46am

I always ask myself "If I tell this person, is it serving my own selfish desires in such a way that it makes their life worse?"

 

This is exactly my reason for not disclosing my personal philosophy to everyone in my life.  I don't carry on a pretense of belief, but I don't overtly state my lack of belief.  I guess that I am fortunate because the people in my life do not push me to discuss religion.

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Permalink Reply by Misty: Baytheist Living! on April 12, 2011 at 10:06pm

It's funny, you know. 

I feel like I'm keeping my older family members from watching a scary movie because I know they'll have nightmares the next night. 

Sometimes I find it funny that this is such a life-altering thing when it's ALL IMAGINARY! 

 

No Grandma....that's special effects. The blood isn't real. Why don't we watch something else?

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Permalink Reply by Noah Cameron on April 12, 2011 at 10:07pm

No, haha, my grand mom is like a hard-right tea party fire and brimstone literalistic Christian, and I wouldn't tell her if my life depended on it.

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Permalink Reply by Reggie on April 12, 2011 at 10:14pm

I don't hide it from my grandma, but I don't go out of my way to tell her. She would be very upset if she knew and I just don't encourage that sort of conversation with her. It is irrelevant to our relationship, really.

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Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on April 12, 2011 at 10:15pm

I used to tell mine every time I saw her, hoping it world trigger a major cardiac event!

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