Let me just clarify, that this is not the first time I had thoughts like this. I was a Catholic for 18 years, stop believing that after that time.When I was 25 I contemplated on the faith of deism in the past, but eventually found no evidence to support it, so declared myself an atheist again.
I was in a strange sort of humour the other night and just out of curiosity I prayed just to see what would happen. I asked god to give me stretch to believe to show me a sign that he is there, to give me the wisdom to know that he is there. I told god I know that he cannot show me testable evidence and I accept that. I feel asleep moments after that. But hours later I awoke to a light tapping on my arm that lay outside my bedcovers. It was almost like a gentle but firm tapping of someones hand. Btw, I lock my room at night. I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. But was it? Did I just feel the hand of God?
Please be aware I am very open to the strong possibility that my mind was indeed playing tricks on me. But honestly, I just don't know what to believe or not to believe now. Please don't be mean or harsh to me about this. If I am wrong in what I say here, I'll accept that given reason
Am I losing my mind though? I just need a perspective from non-beleivers to look at all possibilities here.
If I am touched on the arm at night in bed, my first thought is mosquitoes, not god.
Thanks,GM; I'll consider fasiculations. I occasionally feel an eyelid twitch, maybe once a month, or a week, or a day. Maybe once in 3 or 4 months I'm all but asleep and a leg twitches. Now that's a twitch.
When did I first notice them?
Might have been around the time I started saying god fucked up.
You're trying to figure out who you want to be, and you're afraid of being wrong. Makes sense.
You can't decide whether you want to believe or not.
If you do believe, you want someone say, "you're right". If you don't, you want someone to say, "you're right". In either case, what you're wanting is for someone to assure you,"you're right" Good luck!
Death is easy, choosing how to live is hard.
If you want to believe, go eat a wafer.
If you don't want to believe, you're among friends.
Millions of folks make the choice internally, but never manage to change their settings or the way the live their daily lives, so they live a lie. Some of them are quite comfortable doing this.
What we say to you about your decision doesn't mean anything, it's your decision; paper or plastic.
You're going to die either way, how do you want to do it?
I have decided after reading many of the responses here, that my mind must have been playing tricks on me. And I have to say, the arguments here are very compelling.
The thing about me is, even though from time to time I am open to possibilities; I much to skeptical to be drawn in without questioning everything including myself. First and foremost I want to at least feel I'm being honest with myself, regardless the position I hold. I am still an atheist
I hope I didn't come across too much like myself (an asshole)
I'm 57. I've already seen as much as my weary eyes can, in terms of learning about the world, mankind, and life. My philosophy comes from way-too much experience and frustration.
I've had an atheist point of view since I was almost twelve years old. And I've seen nothing since that has caused me to question that in any way.
But that's me--that's my life. We're talking about you.
I have a son your age. As with him, I wish this life, this society, didn't force you to figure things out so quickly. It seems to me that much of the prejudice of the heart and mind that we see today comes from folks who've had to make their decisions too quickly, rushed, or even coerced.
I urge all young people, when they feel pressured by those around them, to find a bit of thoughtful solitude and figure out their own way to go.
I wish you the best my friend.
On the contrary, your perspective is very much appreciated. Although I don't think I'm trying to figure out what I "want" to be necessarily, I was just trying to figure out what makes sense to me to most. I'm more concerned about what most likely is, rather than what I want to be.
Apart from that minor detail, your perspective was actually very helpful. Thank you for your kind words Rick, I really do appreciate it
Barely a week goes by where I don't sit up, get up, reach out, grope or talk in my sleep. I don't always remember doing it, but when I do it's clear as day. Whether it's bugs, an intruder, a critter or whatever, my mind imagines it with a usually frightful reality. My guess is your mind is just as mysterious and complex as mine, and everyone else's.
God is playing devious games with you. That's the way he is lol. (just kidding - I don't believe in god).