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Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on December 4, 2010 at 7:23pm

I did adopt! I got a vasectomy at 22. Never really wanted a kid, but my wife went "baby crazy" at 35. And when they placed the little guy in my arms, I became a DADDY, and never looked back. I am my father's biological son, and he's the main reason I never wanted a kid. I'm much closer to my adopted son than my biological father ever was to me.

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Permalink Reply by M on December 4, 2010 at 7:36pm

That's awesome!

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Permalink Reply by Julien on December 4, 2010 at 8:36pm

My father was never close to me either, and now almost an entire year has passed since I have last spoken to him. I use to think that I don't want to ever have kids... but I really like kids and kids really like me. I think I would be a great dad, and when I will finally be financially able to raise one I will adopt. Is raising a child really one of the greatest feelings?

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Permalink Reply by Doug Reardon on December 5, 2010 at 9:57am

For me, raising a child has been everything I never expected, it is great, for me. But it can be the worst too. I work in the mental health field, most of my clients didn't think highly of it.

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Permalink Reply by Garrison on December 4, 2010 at 7:41pm

I'm going to see your "some solutions" and raise you "all solutions." We've got pretty much the right answer for every question - it's just a matter of it not being financially profitable to put those solutions to use.

As I believe in the concept of the sovereign self, it is not my style to tell others what they can and cannot do with their own bodies, their own minds, their own lives. However, I think IVF is a bunch of bullshit. Peoples Exhibit A: Octomom. I rest my case. If you cannot physically have your own child, then adopt one. Or two. Or more. The world has plenty of unwanted children that need a home. A parent or two to go along with that house - and boom - you got a family.

Now - if only someone could get it through the heads of the powers-that-be that they shouldn't be denying adoptions based on stupid shit like sexual orientation, income level, race, gender, or single parent households.

I have two children, and they are all I will ever have. I love my boys so much, I wish we could defect to a different planet because it is almost child abuse to bring a kid into this crazy world. Things might change. Probably, they won't - but maybe they will.

To bring up another point - My dad is a liberal and an atheist. He cursed like a sailor and he quit drinking long ago. I couldn't be more his child if I was his biological offspring because all those things are true for me too. In fact, I get on better with him than I do with my mom. But we are not blood related. Mom ditched my biological father/sperm donor (whichever you like) when I was months old and got with my dad. Blood is NOT thicker than water. A dad is the one who puts food in your belly, clothes on your back, and a roof over your head ... and gave you noogies when you were doing to your homework to annoy you and was sure to blame his farts on you in the store to embarrass you in front of your high school friends. Damn, I love my dad.

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Permalink Reply by Julien on December 4, 2010 at 7:53pm

Great reply, Garrison. I agree with pretty much all you've said.

I don't like to tell others what to do either, but a lot of them need to be informed.

I wish we could defect to a different planet because it is almost child abuse to bring a kid into this crazy world. - So true...

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Permalink Reply by Julien on December 4, 2010 at 8:42pm

I really can't understand why would someone choose IVF. I would really like to know what someone who chose this has to say. Is there anyone here on Think Atheist?

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Permalink Reply by Malcolm on December 9, 2010 at 10:13am

All that is involved with IVF is that an egg is taken from the prospective mother (which she normally uses up every month anyway) and is mixed with some sperm from the prospective father (who usually has no problem replacing it) and then the fertilized egg is put back. Basically it's the same thing as what happens when you have a normal "natural" pregnancy, except that the odds are better of success. After the first few days it is indistinguishable from any other pregnancy.

There are some unethical doctors who will implant large numbers of eggs, such as Octomom's, but they're not all like this, and in any case the parents can elect to just use one egg. The cost is not necessarily that high, certainly when compared to the cost of raising a child, and in any case people can decide how to spend their own money. Sure, it's a hassle, but then, trying to conceive a child naturally can become a chore after many months, and in any case, actually having a child will consume much more of your time.

In short, what is your objection to IVF specifically rather than having one's own biological children in general? That it is counter to God's will? I doubt that. Or that you're a Luddite who opposes technology? Probably not since you use a computer.

If you want to debate conceiving a child versus adoption, that's fine, but this has nothing to do with IVF.

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Permalink Reply by Shanna on December 4, 2010 at 10:43pm

My partner and I are foster parents to her nephew. Her sister has issues with drugs and alcohol. I never wanted children. But after a year my life has changed. He is not of my blood but he is of my heart. I see myself in him. He mimics me. My mini me lol. We are becoming alike and thus he is becoming an extention of me. It's wild. And he is precious. I know wish we had decided to keep the second child. His brother. Who was adopted out.
But to have someone depend on you for their welfare makes me feel needed and important. As selfish as that may sound. It is ne necessary. And I will pass it on to him the need to help others. Just my 2 cents and a sip of wine.

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Permalink Reply by Julien on December 5, 2010 at 12:22am

Thank you for sharing, Shanna.

He is not of my blood but he is of my heart. --- If adoption will ever have a motto, this should be it.

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Permalink Reply by Atheist Exile on December 5, 2010 at 12:44am

So adoption in the U.S. is a capitalist enterprise? Whatever the market will bear? I had no idea!

If anything, adoptive parents should receive compensation . . . not give it!

Adoption should be an easy process that serves only the child's interest. This means checking out the prospective step-parents to ensure they have no criminal records or potential hidden agenda.

I wonder which is more abundant in the Western world: orphaned children or willing step-parents? If there are more willing step-parents than orphans, then should priority go to those who CAN'T have children? That's not the only criteria, perhaps, but it seems like a worthy one. What other considerations should there be? Income? Civic participation? Number of existing dependent children? Age?

And what about cases where adoption would separate siblings? Shouldn't priority be given to those prospective step-parents who are willing to adopt all the siblings?

I suppose these aren't new questions but I know next to nothing about the topic.

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Permalink Reply by Julien on December 5, 2010 at 1:14am

If it really costs that much to adopt a child, I guess most of the willing parents get scared and start to think for other options, a lot of them because they really can't afford it. I think that they are checking out the prospective parents to ensure they have no criminal records.

I don't think we'll run out of kids to adopt pretty soon, so there's no need to worry who should have priority.

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