I think it's all about power, punishing you for being happy, and trying to rule your head even when he's not there. Yanking your chain. I live next to somebody with a personality disorder, and he'll use every trick in the book to try and keep me squirming on the ground. For example, if I've been having a great time and laughing my head off all evening, he'll bang on the wall in the night to wake me up. In my case, there's no point being nice to him because it just makes him worse. However, I don't wind him up on purpose either, because that would be silly.
The thing about them is they fasten onto someone like a limpet. You're their food basically.
PS I don't squirm on the ground. He's the one shitting bricks.
If I lived anywhere near you I would love to help you move. I'm sure 100% of the people reading your post will think the same thing.
Is your ex anything like this? The Little Kid Inside the Adult Borderline/Narcissist
If anything the experience of my church should have taught you that took us a long time (and lots of hurt kids) to learn is that abusers can't be cured. They don't change, at least not very easily. They encourage dependency, and trap their victims in that dependency.
You have to stop. You have to break free. You have to leave him and his family behind. Completely. Entirely. For your own health and safety. Get a restraining order. Call the cops... every... single... time. And never, ever, ever, for the rest of your life, talk to or be within 100 yards of him or his family again.
Go to a local support group, go to a church, call a group of friends, ask neighbors. Call up the local Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. LOTS of people will be happy to help you move. Lots of people here at TA, lots of people everywhere. There are attorneys in every major metropolitan area who will help if you need that.
Being in an abusive relationship can be like being an addict. It can be a struggle to break free, to do the hard things to completely change your life and give up what was self-destructive, but in some ways comfortable and "known." Even having made a change, it is hard to stay sober; it's hard not to get sucked back in.
You *must* break free, and never look back. You must say "No!" to him and his family each and every day. You must avoid those situations and places where you know you can be manipulated. You must, *must* never quit. You are too valuable to be sucked into that vortex again.