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Permalink Reply by Dave G on June 11, 2011 at 8:16pm

Well, I don't know about words of wisdom, but I'd advise that you keep being supportive of her, show her that not everyone is as petty and judgmental as those who are harassing her. As far as advice for her...well, let her know that it will get better. She needs to be confident in herself, don't link her self of self-worth or happiness to the opinion of others, particularly not religious figures as religions tend to be designed to invoke guilt. Don't fall for that. Take comfort and solace in good friends who like her for who she is, not who they want to force her to be.

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Permalink Reply by Rebel Renee on June 11, 2011 at 8:44pm

1st it is not your fault. She has the power to make her own decisions, nor are you going to be able to really do anything to help her other than be supportive of the decisions she makes even if you don't like them. This is her struggle with her faith and family as well as an experience for her to learn and grow from.

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Permalink Reply by ernie garcia on June 12, 2011 at 2:37am

there is something you can do.  be there for her.  let her know that if everyone turns their back on her, you won't.

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Permalink Reply by erik112358 on June 12, 2011 at 5:44am

*everyone = up to and including "God"

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Permalink Reply by Kevin on July 9, 2011 at 9:18pm

Even God would not argue that...and I know it personally!

Knowledge places all people together, man divides the circle of one into a pie by way of calculation, opinion takes care of the rest, knowledge argues the division.

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Permalink Reply by Adam on June 12, 2011 at 1:15pm

Thanks for all this guys, Im really not giving up or walking away fro her, ever. I also let her read this and she see's what you guys say, so if there's any advice you want to give her directly, please, go ahead.

Thanks ~ Adam

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Permalink Reply by Kirsten on June 12, 2011 at 7:01pm

   She knows the truth of her own feelings, and she knows the truth of what happened. Hopefully her family and community can let themselves believe and trust her; I'm sure they have more reasons to trust than not. Obviously you like and trust her, so she has at least one person at her back. That's a good start right there.

 

   Beyond that, every person ends up on the wrong side of the parents now and then. It's perfectly normal and usually does blow over. They love her, otherwise they wouldn't care what she did. And making decisions (even the ones they don't like much) is how people grow and learn about themselves.

 

   Beyond parents and faith community, there's a whole world of people out there who will agree with her choices and understand her reasons. Maybe she should seek them out. Having a variety of friends only sheds more light on the beauty of life. 

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Permalink Reply by Robert Karp on June 15, 2011 at 9:48am

Adam you should let her know that regardless of the outcome of all of this, even if that outcome means you two will not be together, you will support her in any way and every way you can and in any way she needs you to. That you respect her and support her without any conditions.  That is what it means to love someone without religion.

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Permalink Reply by Peter on June 15, 2011 at 10:36am

Have courage, it is not anyone's fault for finding friends or love. People who shun such things are scared and do not know better (no offense to her family... but it honestly looks that way).

Finding happiness in life should be encouraged and I'm glad you two have each other to lean on. There are others out there without such companionship and are going through harsher times.

When it comes to being one's self and enjoying life, I don't care whether they are believer or not, everyone should be able to experience such without the harassment of haters.

In my opinion: Family may be important, but that doesn't mean it trumps everything. There IS such a thing as crazy delusional parents (from any side - religion to race), so don't think that everything expected from family is "absolute".

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Permalink Reply by Eric Wichman on June 19, 2011 at 3:13am

I was raised JW. 25+ years in the "Truth" (what they call it). It's a horrible religion which ostracizes, shuns people and splits families apart through disfellowship and disassociation. This means they will shun the person being Disfellowshipped. Friends and family are instructed to not have contact with the person being disfellowshipped else they fall under the same rules and could be disfellowshipped themselves. It's a "Worldly" thing to JW's and it's taboo to go against what the "Elders" say.

You must understand if your friend's family are devout JW's, they will feel compelled to go to the "Elders" with this. If your friend does not "Repent" and take measures to stop sinning (like disassociating with you) they could disfellowship her.

My brother was disfellowshipped and it made him suicidal. It's a serious problem because of the emotional damage it does to the person. I helped my brother through his time period, but it took it's toll on him.

I too was shunned by my family on two occassions. I was told I was "the unclean one" and "worldy" when I said my girlfriend had moved in with me at my apartment. My own mother even told me if I had sex with her one more time I would die. Can you imagine how that felt for your own family to not only tell their son and brother that, but to go so far as shun me too? It was a horrible experience, and I was very angry and hurt. Fortunately I was strong enough to get through it on my own. (my brother even shunned me; after I had already helped him years before when he was disfellowshipped). That's sad, and it gets more sad, many people have commited suicide because they were disfellowshipped from the JW's and their families.

My advice to you is to take this VERY SERIOUSLY! If the JW's are devout, they have no choice but to go to the Elders with it. My brother was disfellowshipped for smoking cigarettes. Yours is much more serious on the Jehovah's Witness's scale of (SIN) right and wrong.

Is your friend over 18? Are you in a position to take her in and give her a roof over her head? Because it might come to that. She needs to know she has a friend that will support her through this. It's not a little thing. Her family could turn their back on her an shun her from not just the "Kingdom Hall" (their church) but the family and the home. She will lose all her friends from the Kingdom Hall, and it becomes a very lonely time.

You need to seriously consider what you are willing to do for your friend to help her.

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Permalink Reply by Andy O. Williams on June 19, 2011 at 10:34am

all that you can do is to be there for her at this time. Maybe this example can been seen by all to be yet another example of how thr religious stick together in times of difficulty. Tell her that thigs will get better and maybe she can see the people that she has been forced to respect through her faith in the light that they really deserve.

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Permalink Reply by Andrew Barkley on June 24, 2011 at 4:29pm

My sister in law is a witness and I tried to save her from obvious mind control and utter nonesense but it backfired. I was naive to think that a mere chat could undo the programing that she has suffered over many years. I now avoid the subject in a bid to enjoy her company but I do still try to plant the seed of doubt every now and again.

 

My advice would be for you to move on, these people are not easily swayed and you will just frustrate yourself.

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