Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Apple on June 24, 2011 at 5:08pm

I agree with most of the other posters.  Support her as much as possible.  Tell her that good people will not shun family and friends, especially for something as normal and natural as an innocent kiss.  Let her know that you will be there for her when she needs you.  I agree with taking their cult very seriously.  They mean business and are willing to break families apart in order to not be "equally yolked."  If you have feelings for each other and see each other as good people, then you shouldn't have any doctrines telling you otherwise. 

 

Let her know, also, that this business of "shunning" has nothing to do with being "worldly" or not.  "Worldliness" is about being overly attached to material possessions and/or social status.  She could develop spiritually much more easily without that "church."

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Permalink Reply by Joey Sellers on June 24, 2011 at 10:35pm

What a predicament indeed.  First off, I’m no expert, but here are my thoughts after reading your post.

You may think there is nothing you can do, but I would say there is much you can do.  You say that she still talks to you, despite what I can gather as opposition to do so from her family.  This is a key point in helping her out.  You might be one of the few individuals right now who are willing to hear her out and try to help her come to terms with what has happened. 

The most important thing to do is you need to tell her that it is not her fault.  Literally, say to her, “This is not your fault”.  From what I know of how religions work, the current situation is telling her that she is the one who has done something wrong.  To transgress a belief that you have upheld all your life is something that would severely affect anyone of any faith.  If she insists that it is in fact all her fault, you can say that if nothing else you equally share the burden of what she is going through because you were an equal party in what happened.  She is surely being alienated to some extent by those who she previously thought loved her unconditionally, and anyone who will take her side will seem like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

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Permalink Reply by Jeff Anderson on June 27, 2011 at 6:06am

Adam I can relate to what you're going through. I was raised as a JW from the time I was a small child up until I was 15 years old (I'm 27 now). When I finally gathered the courage to tell my mom that I didnt want to do this anymore my life took a very drastic turn. When you stop practicing the religion it is basically social suicide, friends and family disown you. How old is your friend? Is she wanting to leave the religion? Does she just want to stop the fighting with her parents? The JWs have VERY strong beliefs about wanting any type of friends or relationships to stay within their organization (more so than other religions I believe), and I would be willing to bet the parents will most likely have one of the elders from the congregation speak to them. If she wants the hardships to stop with her parents and still remain a part of the JW's the best advice I can think of is to just play along and talk to an elder and tell them you're sorry and you wont do it again. This will most likely get them off her back and return to peace. I hope one day your friend will muster up the courage to leave that awful cult.

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Permalink Reply by Jess Schonberg on June 28, 2011 at 3:12pm

I think that you guys need to keep in mind that this is neither your fault, nor hers. You are two human beings who shared a kiss. These other people are capable of controlling their reactions to such situations- their refusal to do so is neither of your faults.

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Permalink Reply by William C. Walker on July 3, 2011 at 1:00am

My heart goes out to both you & her. Jehovah Witnesses are one of the worst belief systems in the whole Xian world, & that is saying a lot. I wish you both good luck. You will need it

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Permalink Reply by Kevin on July 9, 2011 at 9:33pm

You ask for suggestions/support but not what the concern is...was it simply a kiss...then that is what it is, they do not condon effection at this age in her life.

 

If it is because you are an atheist, there is nothing you can do to help the blind see the light which they preach.

 

If you want suggestions for her, remind her that God (not by thought as it is not human but by definition) views all as one, only people (religion/opinion) separate and judge.  If your not arguing against them when with them, you are just another religious belief by their definition...but all thumpers are hypocrites...good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Kim Roder on July 14, 2011 at 8:49am

You and your friend just seem far to complecated in my opinion. Help her enjoy life instead of ecouraging the drama.

 

If I were you I'd go to her right now with a bong the size of my body and a mariachi blunt filled with the sickest shit imaginable, kick back and enjoy the moment.

 

What is holding you back the facty that you care too much, she gives too much of a fuck what her parents think. Help her loosen up give her a good time.

 

And if you want to give her advice. Tell her to give her parents a hard time back, she is not in the wrong here if she has feelings for you, she should be breaking her parent's spirit not the other way round.

 

All in all, stop being so anal about it.

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Permalink Reply by ondrej on July 16, 2011 at 5:43pm

Has the situation become any better in the meantime? :)

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Permalink Reply by Jim Meier on August 23, 2011 at 12:11pm

Sadly, this is how some religions force doctrinal compliance. Think of what might make you feel better if you were ostracized by everyone you knew.

Some religions simply are not tolerant of associations with outsiders. I wish you and her the best.

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